RAKINGS

Northern Advocate, 4 February 1888, Page 3

RAKINGS

ing-carria? «t**^t&SwPK^^^9^^^H^^^H| first class where a &oui>iop^^^^H£H£R^H was seated. Afterthe train^HH^^B^^^BH took ont his pipe. " You **^hSoßE9_^_^_lk at once said the gent. " I ]B^^HBH|B| Scrubbs. He then ca l ir fl^H^HHH_ffi "Did I not tell you," sa A"*fl^^^BßHH " that you can't smoke ?" I -^^^•^HTwHHB Scrubbs gloomly, taking out hisfu^HhTp^B lit a fusee, and now the wrath of.^i^^^B was dreadful. " You shan't smoke here. VH he shrieked. " I know that," added S".t *SBB? then allowing the fusee to exhaust itself, he lit another and another — the stench was awful ; ! the smoke suffocating. The O. Q. coughing and spluttering, struggled for words. " You'd better smoke," said he. " I know that," replied Scruobs, applying the blazing fusee to the expectant pipe. In a trial where it was attempted to get a murderer off on a plea of insanity, an oldphysician, who was a witness, was asked — "Where ah nil the line be drawn between mental and moral insanity?" Well," deliberately answered the old d*-ctor— " well, I think the line should usually be drawn around the neck." Italian workmen are not found of strikes, but contrive to obtain redress in some other fashion. A number of Italian excavators employed on a German railway had their wages reduced ; but during the night they cut an inch off the end of their shovels. Next day, when taken to task by the engineer, one of them replied in broken German: " Not so much wage, not shovel so much earth. Make job last longer. Italian no fool like German. Italian no strick!" — Frankfurter Zeitung.

It is whispered that a good pastor, a widower, proposed to a young lady a short time since, but was rejected. His feelings had a second, severe test when a widow neighbour sent him the following text to preach from : " You ask and receive not, because you ask a miss."

Lawyer : " You say that the prisoner accidentally shot himself in the leg ?" Witness : " I did." "Was the gun loaded?" "I don't know." " Now then, will you please state to the jury how he shot himself? " " Well I suppose that the blamed old guu was like a lawyer's mouth— went off whether there was anything in it or not."

"Excuse me, sir, " said the business manager to the city editor, " but you promised to print that puff of Smithors' dry good's store just as I wrote it" "Well, didn't I?" "No, sir." "It wasn't published at all." "Did you write on one side of the paper only ?" "Certainly." " Then I must have published the wrong side of the manuscript."

"If you want tew git at the circumference ov a man, " says Josh Billings, " exmine him amung men ; but, if you want tew git at hiz aktual diameter, meazure him athis fireside.".

A lawyer once rushed up to Jerrold in the street, andsaid, with a flushed face, "Mr Jerrold, I have just met a scoundrelly barrister." Jerrold looked at him with a bland smile, and simple answered, " What a coincidence ! "