HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 64, Issue 111, 13 May 1939, Page 11

HUMOUR

An old and privileged retainer was ’waiting at table when a guest asked for a fish fork. Strangely enough the request was ignored. Then the hostess, noticing the deficiency, said in a peremptory manner: “James, Mrs Jones hasn’t a fish fork. Get her one at once.” “Madam,” was Joines’s emphatio reply, “the last time Mrs Jones dined, here, we lost a fish fork.” The class had been asked to write an essay on Herr Hitler. One youngster wrote steadily for a while, then, all of a sudden, seemed to come to a full stop. “What’s the matter, Tommy!” asked the teacher. HCan I do anything to help you?” Going up behind the child, she read over his shoulder: “Hitler is a great man. He has done wonderful things for his country. He is gentle and kind, and loves peace.” “Well, what seems to be the trouble?” she inquired. “Aye. But I canna mind how t# spell raspberry!” was the response.

Permission of Humour) II 42# (Florence) He: “The doctor promised that 111 a fortnight he would have me on my feet again.” She: “Did he keep his promise?” He: “ Rather. To pay his bill I had to sell my car and take to walking again.”

Delayed The old man sent his son to the Til' lage for some tobacco, but the lad did not return; weeks, months, years passed. Then one day a huge car drew up outside the father’s cottage, and the son, richly dressed, got out. “Well, father, here I am,” he cried. “I went to America, worked hard, and made good. I guess I’m worth a few thousand pounds to-day.” The old man waved his arms angrily. “That’s as maybe,” he snorted, “but what I want to know is where’s my baccy ? ’ ’ Bound to Win This story comes from an engineering works where A.R.P. drill was carried cut. After a siren had sounded warningly, the foreman made a tour of the benches to ensure that all had heard tho note. “Have you heard anything?” he asked one man who still worked diligentJ - “No’ yet,” was the reply, “but it seems that Blue Shirt is a cert, for the two o ’clock. ’ ’ Well and Truly Holding a bottle of tea, he clambered down into the trench. His foot slipped on the wet clay, he flung out his arms to maintain his balance, and crash went the bottle against a cement mixer. After looking glumly at the neck of the bottle left in his hand he let loose a stream of language at the offending mixing machine. The foreman stared at him in silent envy for a while, then said: “Come on, boys, three cheers for Alf! He’s just launched the ruddy mixer.”

Lawyer: Yes, you can change your name if you like, but why change a good Scotch name like Macgregor to Pullman?” Scot: “Pullman would match the name on our knives and towels better.”

“You say his wife is plain-looking?” “Not half.” “How plain?” “Well, he’d rather take her with him on holiday than kiss her good-bye.” “I bought an engagement ring here three days ago,” said the young man to the assistant. “Yes, and for what would you like to exchange it?” “A revolver and one bullet, pleasel ** “Was McPherson's new friend attractive?” “He said she was so attractive that when he took her home in a taxi the other night he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter.” “How is that young man with whom j-ou fell in love at first sight?” “Oh, he was a fraud. It was his boss’s car he was using.” f ~ l now T —l’m the guy that’s talking to the ship. ’ ’