Round The World With A Camera

Manawatu Times, Volume 63, Issue 106, 7 May 1938, Page 11

Round The World With A Camera

| HUMOUR

Strolling along a railway platform, a « man dropped a shilling through a crack’ in the planking. A friend came along a minute later and found him squatted down, industriously poking a pound note through the treacherous cranny. “What are you doing?” inquired the friend. * 4 Trying to make it worth my while to tear up this board!”

A hungry tramp found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a geni appeared. * * What, sir, is your wish I* * he said. 4 ‘ Lummy, I couldn’t half go a sandwich!” said the tramp. The geni nodded and disappeared. Three years later, long after the tramp had given up hope, the geni suddenly apepared again. “Did you want ham or beef, sir!” he asked.

“How deep is this lake?” asked the interested visitor. “Well, sir,” said the guide, “we don’t know the actual depth, but last year a young Englishman came here for a swim, dived in, and didn’t come up to the surface again.” “And weren’t you able to rescue himf ” “No, but next day we received a cablegram from England asking us to send on his clothesl ”

Sambo got a job as chucker-out at a restaurant and, furthermore, guaranteed to collect any money that might be owed by patrons. And Sambo made good. By his violent attitude, he forced four or five timid patrons to pay their debts. Then one day his boss noticed a negro across the street who owed him money. Sambo raced over and grabbed the other man’s arm, demanding why the money hadn’t been paid. “ ’Cause,” replied the man harshly, “Ah been in jail fo’ a murder Ah committed. Now, whut was you’ reason for stoppin’ me?” Sambo gulped. He wet his lips. “De reason Ah stopped you,” he returned, nervously, “was jes’ to tell you not to worry. Dat debt is outlawed!”

He entered the newspaper office in a manner that suggested murder. He reached the counter and took a newspaper from an inner pocket. “I was intensely shocked this morning to read in this wretched paper in intimation of my engagement,” he said. The man behind the counter looked at him with some concern. 1 * I’m almost beside myself with rage,” the agitated man went on. “1 can’t tell you how angry I am. I’m worried. My fiancee is worried. I’m dreadfully annoyed. We are all annoy%i- Give me fifty copies of the paper.”

HUMOUR |

I The master of the house, exasperated tbeyond endurance by the cooking, had the cook up before him. After a long tirade upon her shortcomings, he pointed to the table. “Look at that piece of served to your mistress,” he said. “Absolutely uneatable. And this piece I’ve taken myself isn’t much better.”

“I consider,” said the motorist to a stout woman of plebeian aspect with whom he had collided, “that the fault was entirely yours, madam, for standing gaping about in the middle of tha road in that manner.” “I was not gaping about,” retorted the irate woman. “I was inhaling a taxi. ’ ’ ♦ ♦ ♦ At a bazaar & popular beauty said to a millionaire peer, “A shilling for a cup of tea, but 2s 6d if I take a ng first.’’ “Here’s 2s 6d,” said the peer; “and now give me a clean cup.”

“Do stop that whittling—it gets on my nerves,” complained Smith to the man at the next desk in his office. “But you live near a station and must be used to the trains whistling?” said the other. “Yes, but when I hear a train whistle, I know it’s going away.”

The visiting minister, after a very cold winter’s drive, arrived & few minutes before Evensong at an out-od-tbe-way church to find a steaming-hot whisky toddy thoughtfully left for him in the vestry. Without touching it, however, he proceeded to robe himself and called for the verger. “My friend,” he said, beaming at his would-be benefactor, “I do sincerely appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness in providing for xne a hot drink what would appear to be a—cr a stimulant. But I must gratefully decline for three reasons. In the first place lam a lifelong teetotaler; secondly, I am making Temperance the subject of my sermon this evening; and, thirdly, I've had one already.”

Mrs. Hobson was anxious to learn the latest about her neighbour's accident, and, turning to her husband, who was reading the paper, she said: “James, did you see anything in the paper about Mr. Parker running over his mother-in-law?’ ’ “Not yet,” replied Mr. liobson. “I haven’t come to tho sporting news ”