THE BALANCE SHEET OF AN AUTHOR

Manawatu Times, Volume 63, Issue 62, 15 March 1938, Page 10

THE BALANCE SHEET OF AN AUTHOR

LION FEUCHTWANGER

His Life in Figures

author, Lion Feuchtwanger,

was born in the 80’s of the 19th century in Munich, a Bavarian town, which at that time numbered 437,112 inhabitants, of whom 413,203 spoke a dialect, so-called Bavarian, understood only with difficulty by the rest of the world.

He was instructed by 98 teachers in 211 subjects, among them applied psychology, Sanskrit, compound interest, old high German, and gymnastics. It took him eighteen years to eradicate completely from his memory 172 of these 211 subjects.

In the examination for his university degree he failed in old literature owing to insufficient knowledge of the minor details of the process of unhorsing an opponent in the lists. On the other hand he acquired great merit in the oral examination in anthropology by answering the question of the examining Catholic professor: “In what main groups are human attributes divided?” in the manner wished for: “Physical and spiritual.” The capital of the Empire, at the time at which he studied at its university, had a population of 2,827,394, among them 1,443 actors, 167 generals, 1,107 writers and journalists, 412 fishermen, one emperor, 9,213 students, 112,327 landladies and one genius. The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, spent 14 years in the schools and universities of Berlin and Munich, months in the army, 17 days as a prisoner of war, and a further 11 years in Munich; the rest of his life in comparative freedom. On 3,013 days he had insufficient and on 294 absolutely no cash. He signed 52 contracts, he took part in 212 discussions on religious, 187 ditto on social, 2,764 ditto on literary questions, 236 on the cost of living and 19,248 conversations on general topics, notably concerning laundry, shaving, and living accommodation. In the flower of his life the author, Lion Feuchtwanger, stood five foot five in his socks and weighed nine stone eight. He had 29 natural teeth, of which several projected, and three teeth of gold. He had thick hair and v/ore glasses. He was a good swimmer and a bad dancer. ' He liked every variety of fish, he

was not fond of sweets, he took his bath very hot, he hated dogs and tobacco. He enjoyed good wines and tea, but seldom drank spirits or coffee; he also ate far too few vegetables. He inclined to the theory of the vegetarians and admired the mode of life of Hindus; but actually he was a large meat-eater.

There can be no doubt that, had he abstained from indulgence in meat, he would have lived to a considerably greater age. But as it was, in the flower of his life he had already consumed the flesh of 8,237 oxen, 1,712 pheasants, partridges or other species of gamebird, and 1,432 chickens. His consumption of seafish totalled 6,014, of fresh water fish 2,738, not counting innumerable oysters, mussels, winkles, whelks, and snails. All with the greatest enjoyment, though often oppressed by the reflection of how many lives must needs be sacrificed in order that he might be nourished. The population of Germany when the author, Lion Feuchtwanger, flourished in that country numbered 63,284,617 souls, 667,884 of which were employed in the postal and railway services, 40,103 were doctors, 108,012 turnkeys, 656 critics, 8,287 writers and 15,043 midwives. The total of officially certified idots and imbeciles was 36,461. The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, had the misfortune to have to do with most of them.

Touching the city of Munich, in which he spent many years of his life; in it, more often than in any other city in the world, the fire brigade was called out through pure mischief. The city also produced and consumed relatively the most beer of all the cities of the world.

In the last year which the author, Lion Feuchtwanger, spent in it the city numbered 137 gifted persons, 1,012 above the average, 9,002 normal,

537,284 subnormal, and 122,963 pronounced nazis. It was evidence of the uncommon vitality of the author, Lion Feuchtwanger, that he was able to draw breath 407,263,054 times in the air of this city without incurring any noticeable damage to his sanity. The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, committed 23,257 venial sins, mostly from laziness and a rather phlegmatic desire for pleasure; also two serious sins. He did 10,069 good deeds, most of them out of a rather comfortable kindliness, and two really meritorious acts which he reckoned would be set down to his credit.

He was married once. He saved one girl from death by drowning, one young man from going on the stage, six not untalented young persons from the profession of authorship. It must, however, be admitted that in 106 similar cases he failed.

The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, wrote 11 plays, among them three good ones which were never played, one very mediocre one which was played 2,346 times, and one extremely bad one which during the last two years has been clamoured for by 167 theatres. In his much-performed play he allowed a misprint to remain in the dramatis personae with the result that 41 lines became entirely meaningless. These 41 lines were spoken in the 2,346 performances by 197 actors without one producer, one speaker, one critic or any one of the approximately 1£ million hearers noticing this. The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, was able to type up to seven pages an hour on the typewriter, to write up to 30 lines of prose and up to four lines of poetry. In an hour of writing poetry he lost two-fifths of a pound in weight.

His plays were banned 26 times; 322 critics praised his religious earnestness, 475 reviled him for in-

solent blasphemy and demanded that he be put on trial. He was 17 times accused of plagiarism and received 649 letters from indignant readers who pointed out that X or Z had shamelessly stolen from him. In his life he met 312 authors among whom 19 were really gifted and one-half had genius; one of these did not write.

The demands the world made upon him were many. He received 2,185 MSS. to read and recommend from young authors who w’ere offended if he took longer than two days to read their works; 7,169 persons asked him for his autograph, 826 ladies applied to him for a post as secretary.

He had 202 relatives, 3,124 acquaintances and one friend; 2,078 wanted to know if Jew Suss’s father had really been a Christian, 334 how he regarded Bolshevism, 124 whether he regarded the Bible as the revelation of God; 385 people wanted him to tell them how to write poetry. He was anonymously abused on the telephone 589 times; 132 people used the same method of communication to offer him a special bargain in carpets. He did not reply to 1,090 circular questionnaires.

Owing to so much trivial work the author, Lion Feuchtwanger, never had the time to carry out four projects which he had very much at heart: (1) to learn Russian, so as to be able better to understand the new literature; (2) to learn how to tie a tie so as to be able to make a more effective entry into a drawing-room; (3) to perfect himself in English with a view to a more rational understanding of the world; and (4) to learn to drive a car with a view to a more sensible use of his little two-seater.

The author, Lion Feuchtwanger, was in his life 19 times completely happy and 14 times abysmally miserable; 584 times he was pained and puzzled to the point of stupefaction by the stupidity of the world which no figures can express. Then his sensitiveness on this point was blunted. While quite- recognising that achievement cannot hide behind success nor man hide behind achievement, were God to ask him: “Do you accept the life I gave you?” he would reply: “Yes. Let me-have it all over again.”