Round The 'World With A Camera

Manawatu Times, Volume 60, Issue 175, 27 July 1935, Page 9

Round The 'World With A Camera

HUMOUR

Puzzled Bird Brown’s parrot was an amazing' mimic. It could imitate human voices, motor horns, harking dogs. Brown used to boast that it was the world’s most intelligent parrot. Brown and his wifo spent a holiday at a farmhouse, and took their feathered pet with them. And that was the bird’s undoing. Being a city dweller all his life, the farmyard noises confused him, for since his return he persists in shouting: ‘ ‘ Quack-a-doodlc-moo! ’ ’

True Enough. The sexton had been laying the new carpet on the pulpit platform, and had loft a number of tacks scattered on the Hoof. “See here, James,” said the parson, “What do you suppose would happen if I stepped on one of those taeks right in the middle of tho sermon ? ”

‘‘Well, sir,” replied the sexton, “I reckon there’d be one point you Wouldn’t linger on.”

You’re accused of having stolen a baby car.” “Well, search me.”

Necessary Watched by bis father, who seemed to be amused, Peter, aged 16, was care-, fully having his first shave. Using his father's patent safety razor, Peter frowned and scraped. Finally he rinsed the soap from his face and caressed his chin in the approved fashion. "That’s better," he said. His father grinned as he handed a blade to his son.' "You've forgotten to "use this,” he said.

"Do you think I could got him snlarged?”

Such As It Is Traveller;- Can I get anything to eat in this.place? - Waiter: Yas, sah, you Idn. Traveller: Such, as what? Waiter:. Such as it is, sah. Costly Experiment "You sent for your daughter?” "Yes; we found it too expensive to have her living in the city supporting herself.”

Surrender —<<What attracted 3-011 to your bride?” asked the minister after the ceremony. ".Well, sah,” replied the ebony-faced groom, "do. fust time Ah seed Dinah Ah tuk er fanccr to her—she wah so good looking. Den, when Ah larned dat She was doin' steady washin’ for sebben families, right den an’ dar, sal), Ah surrendered. .

HUMOUR

Makeshift Sir Samuel Hoare, Secretary of State for India, convulsed tho House of Commons during the debate on the India Bill ypfth the following story: Duke of Marlborough had an emu given to him. It was sent to Blenheim (his palace), and great interest was taken in it. Eventually it laid an egg. The Duke and Ihe Duchess were absent from home. The telegram sent to the Duchess by her agent read: “ ‘Emu has laid egg. In absence of Tour Grace, have put goose to sit on it.'

“Oh, that child, he's so bold!”

Good Olcl Days In days of old When, knights wero bold, And sheet-iron trousers wore, They lived .in peace; For then & crease Would last ten years or more. In thoso old days They had the craze For cast-iron shirts—and wore 'em] And there was bliss Enough in this The laundress never tore 'em.

"Land! Land! We're Saved!”

The Mau for Hint A young man entered the offices of Messrs. Smith. Smith, Smith and Brown, lawyers, and demanded (o sec flic latter partner. “Sorry,” said the office boy. “Mr Brown is out, but. you can see any of the Mr Smiths.”

“No thanks,” cairns the retort. “1 Want, a smart lawyer, and any man who can break into an army of Smiths like (his chap Brown has done must be clever 1 ”

•‘Throw it bade into the water, John.”

Hubby (to wife, who has just answered telephone): “Who was it, dear.Wifcv: “Our washerwoman. She’ll bo two hours late; site’s having trouble with her carburettor.” She: I doubt if women are really vain. You know, women were made before mirrors. He: Yes, and they’ve been before them ever since.

The coachman takes Ms mistress’s dog for an airing.

Mistress (to new maid): Now, Nor ah, I always take my bath at 9 every morning. Norah: ’Sail right, ma’am; it won’t interfere with me a bit. I'm never ready for mine b’forc 10.”