NO MAN CAN BE TRUSTED!

Manawatu Times, Volume LIV, Issue 6901, 6 May 1929, Page 4

NO MAN CAN BE TRUSTED!

SHERE has always been the problem of the other woman. The daughter of Lilith is not a new phenomenon in the wdrld, but perhaps never has she been* so dangerous a menace as she is to-day. The increased freedom that the modern woman enjoys, the greater tolerance and liberality of thought, make it easier for her to lure the man from his domestic apronstrings than ever before. The havoc that she can work, the happy homes that she can set tumbling, is constantly and forcibly brought to my attention by the letters from -wives who seelj my advice on this most baffling of questions.

They know that while they may have to cope with the problem only once in their lives, with me it is a problem that must be faced daily. Because of Mr. Ziegfeld’s prominent position in the theatrical world, every girl who aspires to success on the stage tlyows herself at him. To hold him, these many years against the wiles of some of the most brilliant and beautiful of young women, who so relentlessly pursue him from dawn to dusk, has not been easy. That I have succeeded in outwitting them seems to qualify me iii the eyes of many women for coping with similar problems in their lives. The chief trouble is tlfat most women go blindly, along in their smug belief that, once having won a man, no further work is required to hold him. They take his fidelity as a matter of course.

Then, when the truth finally dawns upon the wife that her husband’s fancy has not only been wandering, but has even been captured, she frantically sets about trying to regain him. To make up in u short space of time the work that she has neglected for years is an almost impossible task. The feeling of conquest is so deeply imbedded in man that, were lie to live to be as old as Methusaleh, he will still seek amatory adventures. He will still believe that he possesses the charms of a Don Juan. That is why, given propinquity and opportunity, no man can be trusted. The woman, therefore, who realises that the male is naturally endowed with a predilection for truancy at least starts married life better equipped than the one who takes it for granted that fidelity is tied up with the wedding ring. She will never become slack in her efforts to hold him. Then, should the other woman arrive on the scene, she will,' leave hardly a ripple in her wake. Unless, of course, it so happens that the love which arises is an overwhelming, unconquerable passion—the kind that can hit this mundane earth every once in a while. Then the only thing the wife can do is to retire from the scene as gracefully as possible. But fortunately such instances are rare. The wise wife, therefore, will do everything she can to make her husband comfortable and happy. She will find out the things that he likes, and she will see to it that he gets them. And, above all else, she will make her home a place of serenity. She will never allow bickering, for

nothing hastens love’s escape more quickly. The wife who wants to hold her husband’s love will constantly sirive for his betterment. She will encourage him to tell her his business troubles, and the things that worry him. She must never show him that she is not interested! A man can’t drop business out of his mind the moment he gets home. If she wants to be everything in his life, she must share his work. .Even if she doesn't understand the nature of it, she can at least give him sympathy and praise. Men are just as eager for praise as women are,, and possibly more so. They delight In' being coddled and petted and made a lot of The man who doesn’t get some flattery in his home will have no difficulty it finding some sweet young thing -who thoroughly understands him, #nd treats him as if he were lord of the glade. She must also make allowances for what he has to go through during the day, and to try to ease his path whenever she can. But many a man returns home completely exhausted by the day’s routine, with business worries still occupying his mind, only to have his wife greet him with a hundred complaints. She uses no discretion. She doesn’t even wait until his mind has been relaxed and soothed. Before you know it, ‘they are at sword points with each other.

If her husband wants to remain at home for the evening, she mustn’t insist that he take her out. Tlu woman who demands this of her hus band is paving the way for discord. I don’t say that they should always sit at home, but the wife should occasionally be willing to do something that he wants for recreation without acting as if she were being neglected or mistreated.

In all successful marriages, you will find that the husband depends on the wife. She endears herself to him without any physical or sex attraction. She becomes part and parcel of his being. Nothing is too much trouble for her. She tries in every way to make his home life as beautiful as possible. She encourages his association with friends whose companionship he enjoys, regardless of whether she likes them or not. Love can also be torn to tatters by jealousy. It implies a lack of trust, and no man likes to feel that he isn’t trusted. The- very basis of marriage is mutual trust. What can a wife do-when another woman is threatening. Iter domestic Utopia? First of all, she must be as calm about it as she can. I realise that it is very difficult at such a time not to be at the mercy of one’s emotions, but it is the only way In which she can have the upper hand. She should take stock of herself, and see where she has failed, or just how she can make the fireside a more interesting place. If she is sure that his lapse is not due to some shortcoming on her part, then the best thing she can do is to assume indifference. Nothing so takes the tang and spice out of an affair as the" fact that the wife knows, and is acting indifferently.

To my mind, it won’t even hurt for them to be thrown together as much as possible. When the man constantly sees the other woman, the glamour is bound to wear offi Meanwhile, the wife can hold her own ground by taking it all in a light, but dignified manner.!: If she shows jealousy or becomes dramatic about it, she is only adding piquancy to the affair.

The woman who is so unfortunate as to possess the philandering type rf husband must simply make up her mind to be tolerant —if she feels that she cannot get along without him —or to end their marriage. Generally, though, it is the woman who ought to be satisfied who will rush to get a divorce because of some inconsequential thing. How many times have women written to me that they would do anything in the world to get their husbands back. Things that once loomed so big in their eyes later become trivial.

I am frequently asked whether I am not afraid of the dazzling beauties that surround my husband. Not at all! The chorus girl attraction to a man is usually a fleeting thing. But should I be told that he is seeking the companionship of some women for her intellectual abilities, it is then that fear will enter my heart. To me. faithlessness in a husband is not half so painful as mental and spiritual infidelity. It is more agonising to believe one’s husband is spending his time with a brilliant woman because of the intellectual stimulation and inspiration he derives from her companionship than to know that he has gone off with some flanper or chorus girl.