A JEST OR TWO

Manawatu Times, Volume LIII, Issue 6667, 21 July 1928, Page 5 (Supplement)

A JEST OR TWO

Living Skeleton's Love Nest*— "ls •your kitchen small?’* . ■. "Is It? /■ Why, It’s so small we have to use .condensed milk.”

Or Was It Queen Anno?^—On the morning of March '9, 1862, Hampton Roads was the scene of a battle which did more to revolutionise naval war fare, than any encounter since Lord Nelson’s doughty fleet of light swift vessels attacked, defeated and utterly routed the mighty Spanish Armada, oft the coast' of Ireland, in the reign of Queen Elizabeth. 7 * * 1

The Family Reisutation. —“Is It possible," gasped the Indignant parent, “that you would dishonour my name on the boards of a theatre?” “But father,” returned the stagestruck youth. “I would take an assumed name." ‘ " ' '■

“Indeed! And supposing you were to succeed, much credit I should get if no one knew that I was your father!”

Shin* 'em Up, Boss!—City Slicker: “What does your son do?” Farmer: “He’s a bootblack in the city” City Slicker; "Oh, I see, you make hay while the hod shines.” >

Growing' Up and Up.— Sweet Sixteen:. “Mother, ,rm tired, of looking such a kid—couldn’t 1 have shorter, frocks, now?” • . : j Less Anatomical.' Granddaughter (being lectured); “I seem to have heard that the glrlg of your period ‘set their caps' at' men ”

Disapproving Grandmother: “But not heir knee-caps.”

How to Be Your Own Ancestor.— A man la a letter to the Harrodsburg "Herald” claims he is his own grandfather. His letter says: “I married a widow with a-grown daughter. My father, - a widower, married my stepdaughter. thus becoming my son-in-law and . his, Vjl re - formerly my stepdaughter. became my stepmother’ also My wife also became my grandmother grandmother Is called granddad, I must be my own erTandfather.” ♦ * •

Get a Shpo-Horn.—Barnum: "Too bad about'that'-lion tamer, isn’t it?”: Bailey; “How’s that?” Barnum: “He’s so swelled up over his press notices that he can’t get his head in the lion’s mouth.” *

Hollywood Kick.—A novelist was chatting with his publisher. “By the way, where did you get the plot of your second novel?” asked the latter. “From the film version of'the first,” was the reply.

■*. ■ - ♦ > ■ • Refreshing a Grouch. —Plncus hadn’t seen Ginsberg for five years, but deliberately passed him on the street, as usual. And rushed into his office and yelled to his stenographer: “Mollle, look in the files under ‘G,’ and see why I’m sore at Ginsberg.” i • • * Two-handed Courting.— “ Girls were harder to kiss in your days, weren't they, grandpa?” “Well, mebee: but It wasn’t so blame dangerous. The ol’ parlor sofa wasn’t .apt to smash into a tree jest about the time ye got all puckered up.” « '» - » Set ’Em Up.—A Los Angeles patrolman had brought in a negro woman somewhat the worse for wear, and the desk sergeant, with his very best scowl, roared: “Liza, you’ve been brought in for Intoxication!" “Dat’s finp!” beamed Liza. ‘‘Boy, you can start right now!”

Tako in Some Pleats.— Lady: “1 like the dress, but It’s too small for. me—could lt.be altered?" . ' ■ - Famous Dress Designer: “Impossible! But If madam will go to our beauty parlour, she can be altered to fit the dress!" '. - > ; ■ < , ■ .. • • t.. - >:■■•. Beating ’Em To It.— “ Does your mother let you read this modern sex stuff?" „ ; ■ . ■ - “Not If she gets her hands on It first.” ,■ ;- v Ho Might. Jig.— Doctor: “You want to cheer yourself up as much as possible—sing at your work.” Patient; “It can’t be done; I’m a glassblower.” ,i. -j: ■; •;/ • ■'/ • ; Love with a Wallop. —Mother: “Why Bobby, I’m ashamed of you—to be fighting with .your little cousin. I thought you loved Stephen.” ! Bobby: “Why, of course, 1 love him, ’cause he’s my cousin, but I don’t like him one bit.” > „'•• \ * * Time to Hoof.—He: “Do you Indulge greatly in terpslohorean art?" ._ ■ She: “Oh, why bother about such things. Let’s dance!"

“Are you not too big now to go playing with the boys?’’ ■ “Oh, no. The bigger I get the more I’ll like it.’’ —“Der Gemutliche Sachse,” Leipzig.