CRISPIES AND RIDDLES.

Manawatu Standard, Volume XLV, Issue 139, 16 May 1925, Page 9

CRISPIES AND RIDDLES.

The express was about to start when an old lady ran on to the platform in breathless haste, flu guard pounced upon her, fairly lifted her into u. carriage, and, a-s lie slammed the door, the train moved out of the station. The first stopping-place was 60 miles up the line, and when the train stopped, .the guard observed the old lady getting out of the carriage in a state of boiling indignation. t “You almost missed it, mum,” lie said. “Missed it. you stupid jackass!” burst out the old lady. “I only wanted to p? st a letter in the late fee box on the train, und now you’ve brought me oil here. (Vera Webb, 111 floretta.unga street, Palmerston North). • * * * • Q. Why is a tree like a dog ? A. Because the tree nas a bark and so has the dog. * . Q. What is the best thing to put into a plum pudding? A. Your teeth. (Clara Wilkinson, 168 Featherston street, Palmerston North).

In the earl}’ days of the war the officer in charge of a British station, deep in the heart- of Africa, received this wireless message from his superior officer: —“War declared. Arrest all enemy aliens in your district.” With comondable promptness the superior received this reply ‘Have arrested seven Germans, three- Belgians, two Frenchmen, two Italians, an Austrian and an American. Please say with whom wo are at war.” (Genevieve Brcroton, Glen Oroua). * * / * * * . Auntie : “Well, Alee, I hope you have a good place in your class.” Alec: “Top hole, Auntie. It a right next to the window.” Uncle Jack: “Dear me, Philip, you eat a very great deal for such a little fellow. Philip (with a knowing smile) : “I A P CC “ I'm not as small inside as I look, Uncle. (Mona Baldwin, 334 Church street, Palmerston North). *** * . *

Q. What is the difference between a hardware dealer and n shoemaker? A. One sold the nails, rho other nailed the soles. ' ... Q. What colour is the wind, and the sea. A. The wind, blue. 'lhe sea, rose.

(Madeleine Borreson, 60 Alexandra street, Palmerston North).

One day an inspector of schools was telling a- farmer now he hud lots of fun with the small children. “Once,” he said, “I asked a little hov who wrote ‘lhe Merchant of Venice,' and he answered i\ot 1,1 The farmer laughed and roared “Ha ! Ha! I suppose the little beggar had all the time,” ~ Teacher: “Spell ‘cloth,’ James. No answer from James. Teacher: “What, is your coat made out C *j.r..mcs: “Father’s old trousers.” (Gerald Thomas, Rauhiai, Ashhurst).