A LITTLE LESSON IN SELFDEFENCE.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume 37, Issue 9615, 20 December 1907, Page 4

A LITTLE LESSON IN SELFDEFENCE.

MR.BAGOS TEACHES HIS WIFE TO BOX. Ono would scarcely look for humour in ' Physical Culture ' but a recent issue of this magazine contains the following rather amusing skit: Ono evening Mr Baggs brought home a mysterious looking bundle, which he driposited carefully on the sideboard, leaving it unopened while ho attacked his supper, ' What have you got in that bundle V inquired his wife, when no longer able • to restrain her curiosity. ' That, aurah, is an outfit for practice in the noble art of self-defence. The oldest and most scientific of all forms of exorcise. I've been taking a few lessons down town in both boxing and Jew Jitsow, and I propose to give you some instructions. Every woman ought to be able to take care of herself Under all circumstances ; yes, sir, she ought to be trained in these things. No knowing when she may have to defend herself against a burglar ! I don't propose to neglect your case any longer. I will instruct you, so that you will bo able to defend yourself when I am not here to protect you !' Here M r Baggs tried to expand his chest, but only succeeded in making his waistband region more prominent. Accordingly, after supper was over, Mrs Baggs, in gymnasium costume, come into the sitting room, where her husband had a set of boxing gloves displayed on the centre 'Oh, what funny mittens !' she cried. ' Mittens, " snorted the irascible Mr Baggs, who is very short, very fat, and Tery peppery in disposition. 'Those are not mittens; neither are they ear muffs or chest protectors. Those are boxing gloves, as anyone with a grain of common sense might see. They are padded so they won't hurt.' By this time Airs Buggs had drawn on one of theglovew, and as her unsuspecting husband approached the table- she «ave him a violent punch on the nose. ' What in thunder do you mean?' ho roared, jumping back and glaring at her savagely, while he tenderly mbbed • his smitten feature, looking at his fingers in thu expectation <.f finding blood upon them, <Do you t«ke my houd for it punching bag? What'd ye hit me like that for ?' ' I was just trying the thing/ klh explained sweetly, ' y„ u said .hat i|».y were padded so that they wouldn't hurt.' 'Hurt,' he ifwrtd. 'Oh, no, thev won't hurt ! A little tap o-> the nose like a mule's kick doesn't hurt! It j»st tickles—that's all!' He com inn- <i to glare savagely as he put on his gloves,

'Now then, I'm ready,' |„ sa ,.. t •put up your hands, so. Now, c-nn ' on. Hit tut). Hit me hard, wherever you can, I'll show you that 1 um able to guard myself when I am m.t taken by surprise !' He jumped about in an elephantine fashion, shaking his head, and dubbing at her with his fists. Mrs Baggs, who is a compactly built, and active woman of 1 Islbs weight, lot drive with all her might, striking low. 6 'Oomp !' ejaculated Mr Baggs, as he stopped the blow with his ahdomen. Then he jumped back and glared in speechless rage while his wife, unconscious of having committed a foul teetered guily around him on her tip toes, watching for another chance to land another thump. 'Oh!' ho howled, when he caught his breath. ' Don't you know better than that '( That's a foul !' 1 What's a foul ?' she asked innocently, 'Hitting a person below the belt, if you want it so that you can understand it,' ho roared. ' Keep your hands up and strike at my head or my chest, and slrike as hard as you please ! Like —thai.' and lie let go at her head with h vengeful swing. She ducked under his at in, and he knocked a 1.3 vase off a .sl.imhi, smashing it into fragments. L • -.''«w .see what you've done!' he Jkiwri'ii. nearly beside himself. 'Why

can't you stand up and take your pun ishruent like ,1 man 1 What'd you dodge for ? Conic out of that corner ! Coluo out. in the middle of the room !' and he led the way. 1 Now, ' he .said, in a calmer voice, ' let me show you what I started to, before you got so fresh. Now you just run at me as if you were going to to catch hold of w<\ and T will show you exactly how to do it.' Mrs Baggs sprang forward with outstretched arms, and received a thump on the uo.se which made her eyes water. 'Ho, ho, ho!' cried her husband, jumpingroundinglee,'see howit'sdone? Ha, ha, ha! Now we'll change about. I'll come at you, and you stop me if you can!' Mrs Baggs watched him with a wicked gleam in her eye. With fell purpose Mr Baggs charged toward his wife, intending to surprise her wjfch a hard counter blow ; but his plans miscarried, for instead of receiving his rush according to instruction, she lowered her head until ogly the top of it was visible and came at him, striking wildly and rapidly. He bncked away, trying to ward off her rapid swings, roaring with rage, and endeavouring in viiin to expostulate. ' Hold on ' he howled. as she rushed him nbout the room. l 'l hut's no way to box! Wait. 1 Gimme a chance ! Why you bwab !' this last as her glove struck him in the mouth ; and just here his foot caught in a rug, and he went backwards with a pioJigiuus crash, while his wife, tripping aise, plunged forward, alighting with both knees upon his solar plexus. 1 Never mind, dear,' she said, half an hour later, as she bathed the lump on his head with camphor and dabbed arnica on his damaged features and applied the hot water bag to his solar plexus ' T don't need to learn to box, nny way, so long as I have you to pro tect rae.'