THE HUMOURIST.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume X, Issue 571, 21 August 1880, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE HUMOURIST.

A CRITIC HARD TO PLEASE. The following amusing -Persian story, is ■ ; quoted in an article on ' The Thousand and '^. One Nights'in the 'New Quarterly Magazine' :, . = !j ' A traveller, on arriving at the gates of .a ._ certain "town in Persia, overtook a very old man of venerable appearance, who was:'- -' hobbling along with the aid of a-staff, the same time reading a book; which absorbed and affected him to such anextent that he was '•"» weeping copiously. The traveller accosted him, aud asked him what ailed him, to which he replied that he was" engaged in • " reading the Koran, and" was 1 ' so affected by its eloquence and beauty of diction that he could not refrain from weeping for pleasure. i 'You say well,'replied the traveller, 'but : at your age you must have been so long and so well acquainted with.it.s beauties that •■ your admiration should surely have had time' to become less impulsive.' . . : .-' 'That is true,'' said the old ' but what specially concerns me is, thai tfhen I consider certain passages with attention, I cannot help feeling that if the prophet had listened more attentively to the revelations made to him by the angel Gabriel, he would have transmitted to us,-in many respects, the exact contrary of his actual injunctions.' _ Said the traveller. ' Perhaps" you are right, but why afflict yourself? Let it suffice you. to do what is right:-without ' troubling yourself about the errors that the" prophet may have made.' '.-•-- But the"old man paid no heed to him ; onthe contrary, his distress appeared to redouble, and he began.-to weep more violently, than ever, and cried out, winging his hands, •If it were only that dolt of a prophet that is to blame ! But is it not too plain, in a score of places, that Gabriel himself did not understand the simplest word of what Allah dictated to him?' Here the traveller burst out-laughing, and was about to answer the old man, and repeal; his exhortations to patience, but they had now reached the interior of the town, and ; the latter turned down an alley without taking leave of his companion, who heard <g him muttering as he went, 'But it is not the worst of it! It would not matter so much if- • it were only the prophet and Gabriel that. did not know what they were sayinw; but when it is evident that Allah Himself.' '. .Here he disappeared round a corner, and" the rest of the sentence was lost.' : ■■' YANKEE. MOTIONS. . Apropos of the meteoric display promisedfor last thanksgiving-night, which did riot come off, a Maryland correspondent is re--mindci of a story told in connection with the great meteoric shower of '33. Liviug..near him were two farmers named JervFs and Dixon, who commonly got well corned when they came to town, and never left until after dark. On the night in question being overtaken by the 'shower,'and much frightened they took to the woods. Being, convinced that the end of all things had come, each suggested to the other to say a few words by way of prayer, but not being ' gifted 'in that ..way, they could only wait and watch. Seeing, as one of them said, that there seemed to be as many left as fell, .Dixonj pointing to the north star, said, ' Jervis, keep*. your eye on that old fel'; when he falls, thfr j jig\up. - ';'.'" • Dixon, you perceive, had the advantage of being astronomical. - ' : " r • Two horses, a white and a sorrel,.,were matched for a race in Kentucky. The betting was high on the white, but the sorrel had his backers. The day before the race it was discovered by the frieuds of the white that he was off his feed, and he would be in no condition to run. So they made up a purse, and with it bribed the rider of the sorrel to lose the race and let whitey take the lead. To their amazement, however, the sorrel went ahead like a streak, and won the race. ' . ! 'We are sold, as sure as a gun,' said one of the bribers to the other. •' Did you pay him the money ?' asked the other. ' Yes, I did, and he swore we should win.' 'Bless my soul!' said the other, 'is there no such thing as an honest man left hi -the world ?' and heaving a sigh of vast proportions, he went for a drink. During the heated contest for Governor .of Kentucky in lSb'O, Governor Helm and the Hon. both men of ability, were canvassing.the State in behalf of the two opposing parties. The latter was a very large man, with a red face and considerable rotundity of person. Governor .Helm, in one of his speeches made use of the following language : ' The last time I had the pleasure of seeing the honourable gentleman before this canvass was during the last year of the war in IS6'4. He was standing on the highest ridge of the Cumberland Mountains; the rays of the , setting sun were dwelling upon the mountain summits, and glorifying them with their golden lustre; and I thought, as I gazed , upon the commanding iigure of the honourable gentleman, that he had more untaxed 7 whisky in him than any loyal man I had ever.. known.' : - " ■

. It was at a late quarterly meeting of Seventh-day Baptist Churches in Wisconsin that two clergymen were to present papers on the same day, and the question-of precedence having arisen, Mr. A.. sj>rang to his feet and said, ' I think Brother B. ought to have the best place on the programme ; he is an older man than I am. and, besides, is full of his subject.' . When the audience remembered.- that Brother B. 's subject was ' The Devil,' a cheerful smile seemed to beam around the church. The brethren do so enjoy these little things!—' Harper's Monthly.'