ONE NEVER KNOWS.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLVI, Issue 195, 17 August 1912, Page 6

ONE NEVER KNOWS.

Fair Elizabeth tripped 'blithely into the country -post office.' . ; ; ' "Now, I want to know," she demanded ~ with a tell-tale blush, 1 as she handed the clerk a pink communication addressed to her lover, "how long will it be before I get an answer to this letter?" ' ..

"That depends," he answered: "If he's in gaol they will let him write once a week,1 or, may be, once a month only. If he's dead broke he'll have to wait till he can earn the price of a stamp, and I have _ no data upon which to base an opinion of his earning capacities.

"If he's ill in bed he may not care to dictate his heart's sentiments to a cold, disinterested third party; and if it's smallpox they won't let him write at all; ditto, if he's dead. Then, again, if he's got a new girl -" At which moment he realised that the fair Elizabeth had flown.

EARLY RISING IN KANSAS. This incident is reported from

Kansas: "I reckon,' 7 said' the> first farmer, "that I get up earlier than anybody in this neighborhood. I are always up before four o'clock in the morning. The second farmer said he was always up much before that, and had much of the work done.

The first farmer thought he was a liar, and decided to find out. A few mornings later he got up at three •'clock and went to" his neighbor's house. He rapped on the back door, and the woman of the house opened it.

"Where is your husband?" asked the farmer, expecting to find the »eighbor in bed.

"He was'around here early in the morning," answered the wife, "but I don't know where he is now."