PERKINS' DILEMMA.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 118, 17 May 1909, Page 2

PERKINS' DILEMMA.

- -<&.— WANTED TO WOEEY HIS WIFE BUT THE TABLES WEEE TURNEE.

'■ Perkins had worn a look of harassed , anxiety for days.' His fellow-suburbanites ' had noticed.it; his associates at the office ! had noticed it. For Perkins was one on s whom trouble, as a rule, sat lightly. ' j One morning last week he joined his neighbour Brown on the station platform, I and as they.waited for the 8.20 he suddenI ly blurted out "Brown you know me to be a respectable citizen." " X es," said Brown looking at him in ' surprise. | "And a church, member in good stand;ing'» | "Yei," "What would you say if I told you I had become a pickpocket ?" "I should say you'd better see a doctor," said Brown decidedly. "But it's true," whispered Perkins, ' glancing fearfully over his shoulder, "and I I don't know what minute the police may |be after me. You see, it happened this ; way:—My wife has a very careless habit ! of carrying her pocket-book in the outside i pocket of her coat, and 1 have tried in rain to break her off it. I always thought the only way to teach ncr a lesson would jbe to give her a good scare—to make her think she had lo«t it. ! "Well, the other day' at breakfast she told me she was going to town to put some money in the bank. 'All light,' I said,/but don't carry it in your outside pocket/ About noon it came on to rain pretty hard, so instead of lunching at the , club I went to a little restaurant in the \ neighbourhood. Now, it happened that the restaurant was next door to the bank

where my wife was to deposit her money, and as I passed the bank I saw her familiar raincoat going up the steps. The raincoat!was the. only thing risible under her umbrella,'but as she has had it three years I thought. I ought to know it pretty well by this itime. And there, as usual, was her pocket-book sticking out of her pocket. 'Just an invitation to pick pockets,' t thought, and I stole up behind her and quietly extracted the pocket-book. This would be a lesson she would not soon forget, I was sure. "That night when I got home I expected to find the house in an uproar, my wife tearing her hair and things generally doing. But, on the contrary, I found her sitting by the window, quietly darning stockings. She did not look in the lqast pale or worried. I thought she was putting up a pretty good bluff, but I knew she could not keep it up, She can never hide anything, so I waited. "But I waited in vain. Dinner passed, the evening went by, bedtime came, and still she remained cheerful and happy. At last I could stand it no longer. "Had a pretty serious loss to-day didn't you ?" I asked casually. , "My wife stared at me. 'Loss ?' "Yes, loss.'l was beginning to be impatient. * W,lhat's the use of keeping this up. What?happened to you to-day when you went to the bank ?." I '■"■'l didn't go to,tb the bank," she said. "'What!' I shouted 5 not to deposit that money?' , ' " 'JS' 0/ replied my wife. 'It was raining too hard. Here is the money in this drawer/, and she unlocked her desk and displayed a roll of bills before my horrified eyea. .' '■' • • -I-; /•,•''■' ' "Of course you know what had happened/'Perkins ended with a groan, "i had picked another woman's pocket! Now, what in thunder am I going to do about it?"—New,York Press.