BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 118, 17 May 1909, Page 5

BRIEF MENTION.

" A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.\"

Jack Frost has a ;good grip of Mdihef Earfh.

All is not gold that glitters in a mining prospectus. In-1810 sugar cost £95 a, ton. JSTow it is aboxvb £15.

A baker at Poona, in India, advertises himself as fhe "best English loafer to his Excellency."

"My father can corrugate my evidence^" a witness declared at the Willesden Police Court.

He measured it, and found it to be five and a-half feet in circumference. It was not an .umbrella —but his best girl's hat. ■ " .

He -that foretelletli rain p,rophesieth a sure thiiig; it is only the time of the coming thereof that is doubtful. ' .'.■.■■'.-'' ■ •.

"Die) ,young Skinnick's uncle remember him when he made his will?" "Must have. Didn't leave him anything."

Another ib.ud.get '" in-Clement'" Wraggisms: — "An awful place is the mopn. There is no air; and eternal silence reigns. At full moon there is ..600 degrees of ;heat Fahr., while at new moon :the cold is .250 degrees belowzero! Instead .of telling a man to go .to ——, tellihim to '.go to tie moan. (Laughter.) Poor chap, he would be frizzled.!"

"The people of .Mars realise that their planet is doomed,,and they "have set ' Aheir engin.es. to ' w<srk /.to \ evt canals to connect the poles, bringing the waters of ihe-melting snows down to the arid regions." - "* ''In Jupiter, owing to the enormous force of gravity, an earth-wave would be at once crushed by Ms own weight. No-license and prohibition would i.! ot trouble one there. XLaughier..) It may be possible .that in the ages to come, after- leaving the earth, you i and I jnay be inhabitants of Jupi-

ter." "Science casts .all \creeds, dogmais. castes, petty social cliques, and nationalities aside, and the man of science looks forward to that time, which will surely come with the edu-' cation «f the people, when the Universal Brotherhood of Man will he established ; and recognised. One great and grand federation in the name of the .Most High! Doesn't it make a man think, ladies /and gentlemen ? It does." a

An Irishman was [painting a house and working with great-, rapidity. Some one asked him -why- he was in such a rush.. "I'm trying to get through;" the Irishman replied, "before the paint gives out."

The farm needs the boys, and the boys need the fairm. No one. is so suited for farm work as the farmer's son, and the best place for most faoys is on the farm.

"Is there'any difference in the meaning of the words 'nautical' and 'marine?'' asked Mr Malaprop. "Not much," replied Mrs Malaprop. "One is a cinnamon of the other.".

For the first time a woman is announced to have taken the degree of Bachelor of Divinity at London University. Miss Lilian Roff is the successful student, and she has passed with distinction. :

"Who gave the bride away?" Her little ; brother. He stood ap right in the middle, of the ceremony and yelled: .'Hurrah, Fanny, you've got -him at last!' "

"I heard Skinflint bargaining.with a camban last night." "Bargaining?" ' 'Yes! That's an old dodge of his to find out exactly how much he is going to save-by walking home."

Jem Mace,, who . was once the world's champion- pugilist, and who won no less than £30,000 in the ring, has applied for an old-age pension, in England. He lived in New Zealand for some time. •. .

The woman behind the1 broom doesn't draw a very large salary, but she raises a lot of dust.

Tramp (whiningly): My poor old mother hasn't seen me face for years and Lady of the House: Well, why don't you wash it?

A recent Punch has a nasty cartoon and legend. A .German sailor sings: "We donM/want-to fight, Ltit by jingo if we do, we've got the ships, we've got the" men; we've got the money too." A British tar in the background says, "Hello, that's my song," and the German replies: "It was; but it's mine now.''