BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 115, 13 May 1909, Page 5

BRIEF MENTION.

" A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men."

Steamer Ohau foundered, May 13, 1899. All hands lost.

Born: Empress Maria Theresa, 1717 ; Charles, Marquis of Rockmgham, statesman, 1730. Died- Louis Bourdalone, French divine, 1704; Cardinal Fesch, uncle of Napoleon Bonaparte, 1839. Hotel Clerk —I found the "Not to be used except in case of fire" placard those college boys stole out the corridor. Manager —Where? Cierk — They'd nailed it up over the coal-bin. It is estimated that there are, in the whole of the Dominion, 41,000 packages of butter in cool storage, about 20,000 of which are in Auckland.

Husband: You must marry again, dearest, when I am gone, and that will be very soon. ■ Wife: No, Edward. No one will marry an old woman like me. You ousht to have died ten years ago lor that.

Melba accomplished one great feat in Palmerston North. According to the Manawatu Times' representative, "the writer has never heard her sing with such absolutely complete satisfying of the soul hunger !" Bullyrag Lawyer: "Now I want you to answer this question very carefully. \Vas your father (when your mother struck him with a rolling pin) under the influence of drink?" Juvenile Witness: "No, sir; he were under the kitchen table."

A Wilbur Wright aeroplane, which is being introduced into Australia by Messrs J. and N. Tait, is due to arrive at Fremantle early in June. The firm has not yet decided whether the car will fly eastward or be brought on by boat.

A small boy, writing a composition on Quakers, wound up by saying that the "Quakers never quarrel, never get into a fight, never cIaAV each other, and never jaw back." He added: "Pa is a Quaker, but I really don't think ma can be."

The Stock and Station Journal iegorts that the country just outside ydney is in a parlous state. There's no grass; there hasn't been any for months. Dairymen are hand-feeding their stock, and the outlook is exceedingly "blue."

A prominent man called to condole with a lady on the death of her husband, and concluded by saying: "Did he leave you much?" "Nearly every night," was the reply.

From a new novel: —"A hoarse cry of horror rent the still night air, the moon broke from the clouds, and Wallace's white face was seen sinking in the swirl of the rushing tide. The whole tragedy was over in the fraction of a second." It is not surprising that it took 30 pages of strenuous artificial respiration to restore Wallace to the sorrowing readers once again.—Globe.

Excited Individual: Is this where they swear peopleP Commissioner for Oaths: Yes, sir. What can I do for you? Excited Individual,: I want to take an oath never to put down another.

carpet

Microbes and germs don't stand much chance of existing when Master John Nicholas Brown, the richest nine-year-old in the world—£s,ooo,ooo is reported to be the extent of his fortune—is about.,;. No expense is spared to protect hinj, from all possible ills. His food is sterilised,i the carriages he travels in are sterilised, and even his toys have been carefully freed from microbes.

There was a man in a certain restaurant last Saturday who had a grievance against the waitress, who had shown him much incivility, and he determined to get one in before he left.

"I say," she asked, as the man be-; gan carefully wrapping up his stack of cakes, "whatV you coin' to do with them?"

"Use them for repairin' tyres. I run a garage, and good rubber comes mighty high these days," was the cutr ting reply, and 'the man then left without giving a tip.

The new Paquini gowns leave no room for improvement—^nor anything else. Recent authorities on-dress give it as their opinion that the ear will have to go. It is beginning to interfere with the movements of the Nazimova collar, which is steadily rising in the world. Several dressmakers have already recommended its painless removal. When it comes to a case of the ear versus the collar, why hesitate?

Having been appointed foreman over a gang of labourers, an Irishman wished to show his authority on the first morning of his promotion. ''Now, look here, boys," said he, when I say commince,' you have all to commince; and thim that don't commince when, Iv say ' commince/ won't commince. So commince."