PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLII, Issue 169, 18 July 1908, Page 6

PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

A member of the_ Cleveland bar tells of a country justice in Ohio who was fond of enjoining upon every one in court the necessity of /.brevity in offering testimony in ordinary suits. On one occasion this worthy successor of Dogberry was admonishing an old man who appeared as a witness in a trifling case. .- "You must not, sir"-"observed the justice in his most solemn manner, "use so many words. Do you understand?" - . . . .i

"I do, your nonour." / "Then you must, in the fewest words of which youX are capable, answer the plain and simple question whether, when you were crossing'the street with the child in your arms, the carriage was^ coming down on the right side: the truck on the left and the express waggon was trying to pass the carriage, you saw the plaintiff between the truck and the express waggon, or whether and when you saw him at all, and whether or not,near the carriage, truck and carriage, or either, or any two, and which of them respectively, or how it was;"-' ■• . ~'.. ■ ' -.".': ■. ; . ■

A DIFFERENCE, OF LANGUAGE,

Footpad-(presenting pistol): "Fork over yer rhino, and be quick iabout it . . -■ \ . " "" ;

Weekly^ "I beg your pardon?" Sternly: No monkeying! Unlimbei-! Poitduce the blunt!"

"Pardon me, but I do not exactly apprehend the. ■■drift of your " "Cheese yer patter! : Don't yer see I've got the drop? Unload yer OOf." ~•- ■■■.■"';-■• ' .' ■ " ~ ■

"I am totally at.a; loss, my dear sir, to^percelve the relevancy of your/ observations or to " ; ■

"Whack up, or I'll let her. speak!" "Is there any. peculiarity, in the external seeming of my,apparel or demeanour, sir, that'impels you* a total sti-ange'r to-^-^-" • .;.. : *

"Once more, VilL yer uncork that swag?" : -..'. , .■■'."•■-. ■ ' ; ■ .-■

(Hope/essly bewildered): - "Mv friendv I confess my utter inaßili'ty to gather any coherent idea from the fragmentary observations you have imparted. There is nothing radically ii-re>oncilable and incapable of cor r relation in the yocabularies witb^ w;hich we endeavour to make the reciprocal or ~':. oorrespondential interchange of our ideas intelligible. You will pardon me v if I suggest that synchronization of purpose is equally indispensable with homogeneity of cerebral impression, as well as parallelism of idiom and—" / > But the highwayman had fled in dismay.' . ~