FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLI, Issue 134, 8 June 1907, Page 5

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.

THE FREE CRITICS'S COLUMN

(By J. Nib.) Happy is the man who has his land ploughed up. The dews fall and the frosts come, and the grubs and all the ground pests are "killed dead. A winter without frosts means a dirty harvest; and, besides, the natural pulveriser is far more effective on deep, damp soil than fifty steel cultivators. L once had an argument with a farmer on this point. He contended tor n.ild-nighted winters, without the snashing frosts of early morning. Ihe cultivator would do for the ground as much as ever the frost did, he said. I could only reiterate that 1 doubted it, and so be rid of him.

This particular farmer is quite a grand old character in his way. Came out in one of the first ships, ot course, and all that. Farmed for half a century, through lean years and tat— former predominating—and still o| the opinion the price of barley should as lief be fixed by the Arbitration Court as the wages of harvesters, loi-n-stance. Same old gentleman onw told me he could claim to be the first white man who had come down from Nelson to Blenheim, via the Kaituna Valley, without crossing the Wairau River. Naturally, I was credulous, and suggested that he must have followed the ranges as far up as Tophouse and Tarndale, and then come down the valley. No, he had come the nearest way between Kaituna and Renwick. Very well, I gave lip. Then he told me a most remarkable thing. He had made the northern bank of the Wairau River late one rainy day, and, fearing to enter the muddy stream, had pitched camp and gone to sleep, hoping to get over with the return of daylight. In the morning, upon looking out, what was his surprise to find the Wairau River on the north side of his tent. He shook himself, and, being finally assured of what had taken place, made tracks for more absolute terra firma with all speed. I It was a filthy half-hour the Licensing Committee put in on Tuesday afternoon hearing evidence in support of and against the charge of misconduct against a certain hotel. buch experiences are the reverse of edifying The licensee is without doubt placed in a most difficult position owing to the situation of the hotel. He lacks the protection of constant police supervision, and probably gets the blame for over-drinking that really takes place in town. It is particularly unfortunate, too, that there should exist, right opposite across a narrow street, a nursing home, of all institutions the very one that should r.ot be located in such a place. As the Sergeant-Major said in Court, a public-hoxise cannQt be kept as quiet as a church. He might have added " in practice " ; for in theory there is no reason for any difference. There is a solution of the undoubted trouble that exists, and the wonder to me is that the police have never urged it upon the Committee's understanding. It is that the license of the hotel be removed up into town, where the house would be under direct and constant supervision. Necessary safetyvalve, if you will; but there is no earthlyjustification for maintaining a safety-valve in a residential area a mile away from the police station. There existed, at the time the hotel was built, a good reason for its situation at the bottom end.of Grove Road, but that reason has long since been absent. -■■■

Lagoons and mud-flats are in the air! (Of course, this is figurative language.) The provisional Harbour Board Committee is after getting . every tract of useless "land and every marsh and puddle on its list of endowments. Being somewhat of a utility man myself, I approached an authority the other day with a feeler to this effect: Would not 500,000 walnut trees, planted across, along, up, and down Lake Grassniere soon drink up all the water it contains, and, while reclaiming four thousand acres of land, give an annual crop of walnuts that would fill every confectioner's window in New Zealand ? The reply I got was evasive. The question required consideration. The quality of the water might not be just right for thirsty trees like walnuts. '■'•'. • • • Speaking of Lake Grassmere reminds me that the Government Analyst was some years ago asked to report upon the ingredients of the water of the Lake, and that by the Inspector of Stock for Marlborough, Mr John Moore. Everyone who has travelled through Flaxbourne frequently knows what a vile odour arises from the Lake, and more particularly from its one feeder, Stinking Creek. Some years ago, when its uncomplimentary name was being' deserved more than usual, owing to dry weather and consequent stagnation, Mr David Wheeler, living in the neighbourhood, repaired to the river side, not to be baptised—oh, no—but to wash his trap there. Now Mr Wheeler, than whom there is not a more observant and faithfully picturesque nian in the whole of that region, had had sore hands, poisoned by some means, and really in a bad state. What was his surprise and gratification, as his hands repeatedly came in contact with the waters of Stinking Creek, to notice the easing of the pain in them, until after he had been washing the trap for about four hours — rather long , perhaps; but then he is a smoker, and would have to fill his pipe— he found that the intense pain had vanished right away. He thought there must be some curative properties in the atrociously compounded liquid, and so returned morning after morning to lave his palms in Stinking Creek until they were quite healed and cured. • * * • Mr Moore, hearing of this, ap- | proached the creek with a pint bottle in one hand (and his nose in the other, presumably), and captured a sample of the stuff. This was forwarded to the Government Analyst for a test. The reply he got showed that the Chief Taster doubted the bona fides of the sample. He said it was like nothing he had ever seen before, except in appearance raspberry vinegar. " If," he added, " it is a genuine sample— if," he emphasised, "it has really come to me as it came from the creek —it is a wonderful compound." It had, he said, carmine properties that were past his comprehension, and hinted at the presence of an ingredir ent as yet unknown to science, and the demonstration of which would perhaps revolutionise chemistry. He showed his interest by ordering, forthwith, twelve gallons of the water. Mr Moore sent six two-gallon jars out straight away, but, alas, a torrent had come down the creek, washing the atrocious liquid out to sea. * ♦ • # « It is further related of this same Stinking Creek —I believe the Grass-

mere schoolmistress has recently found for it a more euphemistic name-^that a prominent East Coast pastoralist, of a curious nature, scenting the wonderful water on the southerly breeze afar off, alighted from his carriage one day and determined to take a draught of the stuff, just to try its effect internally. He now admits, with a wry face, at the very thought of his experience, that that dose—about three wine glfissfuls—nearly brought about his i mortal estoppal, as the lawyers say. So much for the wonderful waters of Stinking Creek.