BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XXXI, Issue 107, 11 May 1896, Page 2

BRIEF MENTION.

I 4. Fine, bright weather throughout the oolony. The highest thermometer reading at 9 a.m. was 58 at Auohlaud, and the lowest 33- at Bealy. The " bike boom" is increasing m Blen« hoim. To watoh the novioe taking his first riding lessons is "as funny as a pieoe of string," and hia antics afford quite as muob amusement as a good oirous olown. "Anew ehum'e" maobine took charge the other day and landed the rider into n ditob. There was water m it, and the fall wasGOft and "aicy." Ab m Blenheim bo m Welliogton, every day sees a " new chum" added to the long list of novioes, and some amusing instances of the would-ba ridera' first efforts are witnessed. A contributor to a Wairarapa journal tells the following :-— Last week a prominent lawyer, a confidential clerk, a Civil servant, and sundry other individuals were exorcising m the streets and accidents were many and varied. The lawyer split his panlß and had to retire m double quick time to effeot repairs or run the risk of being looked up for being soantily clothed; tho confidential olerk soraped his shins rather badly, and the Civil Beivant steered his "bike" into a briok wall, whioh caused the maohine to shut up like a concertina and the rider to yell like a conoert screamer. There was a " great oloud of witnesses," but nobody laughed. Couldn't. The oo< saßion was too solemn. Ha Ihal ha 1 A woman at Sydney reported to a magistrato the disappearance of her lodger, a black man named Svoloo Umvetiquaeanghanghams. Moßt people's lives are spent m getting what they don't want, and wanting what they don't get. A hotel bar looks badly droaeed m it'e Sunday •• close." An auctioneer does as he is bid, a postmaster as ho is direoted. He: "They married m haßte," She: "And, of couree, repented at leieure?" He : •' No," She : " No." Ho : " No. They repented the same way." Three little French boys had been set lo translate Hamlet's soliloquy into English from the French version. The "To be, or not to be" came out m the three exercise books as follows :— " To was or not to am." •' To were or is to not." "To should or not to will." Mrs Meadows, while driving from Wood" end to Eaiapoi the other day, wbb thrown out of her trap and picked up insensible, She died m a few hours. Another indication of the decline of the drama (says an Australian paper). A Mel* bourne suburban travelling company advertises its admission fee " silver ooin or three bottles 1" Empty bottles, of course. The robe tbe Czarina is to wear at her coronation has taken six months to make. Its oatitmted coat is £40,000. When the time is opportune prison officers are to be placed on the same footing 88 regards hours and pay as the police. " Money is round, says the Englißb, that it may roll along, Money is flat, cay the Soots, that it may stay m one plaoe and be heaped up," Bpeaking atOhristohuroh, Cardinal Moran said that many of those opposed to it were not really fi jhting the Catbolio Church, bat were, m good faith, combating the miserable phantom whioh the misrepresentations of the enemies of the church had raised up. The largest Bheepowner m the world is said to be Mr S. MoOaughey, of the Ooonong Station, Jerilderie, New South Wales. Be has 3,000,000 aores of land, and last season thore 1,000,000 sheep, An infant child of a Mr Simpson > shep* herd at Bellemont Station, met its death by poisoning on the 26th April. It appears that a bottle of eye lotion was being used m the house, and another ohild having got possession of it, poured some into the baby's feeding bottle witb the result stated. A Home paper gives the following comical instances of the Baboo English of an Indian advocate :—" My learned friend, like the whirlwind m the teapot, thinks to browbeat me from my legs," " I seek, with no deoeption, to place my bone of contention dearly m your Honor's eye " "My client is a poor, virtuous widow, merely possessing a post-mortem son, with a few or more relatives. And the latter are not near relatives, their relationship being only m a homoeopathic degree." A clergyman was very anxious to introduce some hymn books into the ohuroh, and arranged with his olerk that the latter was to give out tho nolioe immediately after the sermon. The clerk, however, bad a notice of bis own to give out witb reference to the baptism of infants. Accordingly at the oloso of the sermon be arose and announced that " all those who have children whom they wish to have baptised pleaße send m their names at once to the olerb." The olergyman, who was stone deaf, assumed that the clerk was giving out the hymnbook notice, and immediately arose and said : " And I Bhould say, for the benefit of those who haven't any, that they may be obtained at the vestry any day from three to four o'clock; tbe ordinary little ones at one shilling eaob, and speoial onea with red baoks at one shilling and foarpenoe,"