"WRINKLES PICKED UP IN COURT.”

Marlborough Express, Volume III, Issue 121, 13 June 1868, Page 4

"WRINKLES PICKED UP IN COURT.”

To the Editor of the Marlborough Express. Sir, — “ Here we are again,” as the clown says Before I come upon the stage, nobody would notice me slouching into Court after the burly Sergeant had called the first names. If humility is a virtue, the Idler” possesses it in an eminent degree, as a literary gent would say. As the “ Idler” passes the portals of the great hall, great in comparison with his own mean dwelling in the swamp, he slips—not lifts—his hat off his head, fixes his gaze on the back seats, whither he directs his wandering feet, and never until he has sat down, does he presume to look at the Bench of immaculate Justice, where the representative of unlimited power sits aloft at the other end of the room. By the way, what’s the use of that gent that sits below the Don, doing nothin’ all the time the Court is open ! That’s the way the money goes Sir, I’m afraid, and we’re all taxed ! Surely the great Don himself, if he possesses the ability to take down all the evidence, and give wise decisions, can add up a few shillings of costs. That clerking gent I’ll be bound, eats his own head off. If Mr. Stafford ever comes this way again, I’ll muster up courage to have a talk to him about it; such things ought to be stopped. But bother it, where are my wrinkles ? That bothering gent has a’most put my temper out. You know I’m out of a job, and if all Idlers were paid, I’d not say a word again it. Now I know what you’ll say, so I’ll dry up, and tack again. Now for a few notes—6. If you expect your witnesses will want to be paid, you must subpoena them before the day on which the case is to be heard. 6. If you want to put your opponent on his oath, subpaena him ; only, remember that if you lose your case, you will have to defray his expenses in addition to the rest. 7- If you are sued, and pay the amount into Court, you must give several days’ notice to the plaintiff, otherwise you will be liable for all the witnesses subpsenaed by him. 8. If your horse, or anything that is yours, O reader, should be stolen from you—you may take it wherever you find it, but not by force. If force would have to be used, you must call in a constable, who no dpubt has his instructions how to act. 9. You cannot sue a second party for the return or value of anything he may have purchased, which had previously been stolen from you—until you shall have taken steps to follow up the thief. 10. If a poor man sues a rich one, and he is sure of his case, let him not spare any expense to bring all witnesses, &c., necessary to prove the liability, even if it should make the costs come to four times the amount of the debt. 11. If you are sued for a debt by some miserable tradesman, do’nt plead that you know nothing about it, as that will not wash as a defence before any magistrate in the colony. US. If the hints clumsily conveyed in these rude notes are heeded, the reader may soon be fit to practice as a sort of mock lawyer,—like Godfrey, who made his appearance in this character the other day, having first obtained Mr. Conolly’s permission ! Talking of lawyers—What are we coming to ? Is it true a new one has arrived ? We used to complain loudly when there was only one, but now we shall be overdone completely. Three lawyers in the city of Lilliput! Gude protect us ! Is there no way of getting rid of him, before we’re eaten up alive ? Yours &c., The Idler. Lilliput, June 10, 1868.