THE SUBURBANITE.

Mataura Ensign, 27 September 1913, Page 3

THE SUBURBANITE.

Ho seeketh with much multiplying of words to make it clear to you that although he now liveth twenty-five miles from the city it takctli Mm Imt two and one-third minutes longer to reach his place of business than when ho had his place of residence in the city. He hath much to say regarding tho way in which he eateth vegetables from his" own garden, when careful investigation revealoth the fact that the full output of his garden hath never exceeded .six radices and four tomatoes, with one or two "messes" of lettuce hitter to the tasteHo passoth it out that he eateth eggs from his own hens, Imt the wile oMiia hosom, having more regard for the virtue of veracity, doth aliinu that throo oggs a day 'hath thus lar boen the full crop of 10 liens, and that tlm expense of the production of those eggs hath been equal to hvepenee each, to'say nothing rogaixling the ill will of near neighbors who do not keep hens. Ho maketh brazen afiirmation that he sleepeth under blankets every night when those who have been bis guests iiflirm that they slept not at all because <,f the heat and the crowing ot Ms rooster throughout the whole ot the wearisome night, combined with much harking of dogs and much angry dialogue on the part of many cats. 'He putteth it up that he hndeth eieat io-y in rising at five and "taking ST turn'" on the near-by golf links, when it is known to others that he _ bath never <lone this but once in his life. Ho speaketh much and with foolishness of the fruit he hath from his own trees when he knoweth that a wormeaten pear tree that yi.eldoth hut six .'iKirh' w-arls a vear and two goorioberry Urdu's supply all the fruit on his domain. . He spcyketh not quite so fulsomely or the jovs of suburban life -in the presence of his wife since she bath issued an edict to the effect that she preforc.th the citv for her nortion, and that her days as'a suburbanite cometh to an eud with the early autumn. Hi* kr.owe!,h in his heart of hearts that he is g!-.kl th.at this is to be.—J. L. Harbor in 'life' (New York).