'LIFE'S' FUN AND FANCY.

Mataura Ensign, 3 November 1911, Page 4

'LIFE'S' FUN AND FANCY.

THE AMERICAN HUMORIST. ARCHIMEDES. Archimedes, whose given nam© ha* been accidentally torn off and swallowed up in oblivion, was born in Syracuse 2,171 years ago last spring. He was a philosopher and mathematical expert. During his life he was never successfully stumped aft figures. It ill befits me now, standing by his newmade grave, to say augjit of him that is not of praise. We can only mourn his untimely death and wonder which' of our little band of great men will tx»' tho next to go. Archimedes was the first to originate the use of the word "Eureka."' It has been successfully used very much lately, and as a result we have tho Eureka baking powder, the Eureka suspender, the Eureka shirt, and the Tureka stomach bitters. Little did Arch modes wot, when he invented this term, that it would come into general use. Its origin has bean explained before, but it would not be out of place here for me to tell it as I call it to mind now, looking back over Archie' seventful life. ing Hiero had ordered an eighteencarat crown, size 7J, and after receiving it from tho hands of the jeweler, suspected that it was adulterated. Ho therefore applied to Archimedes to j ascertain, if possible, wliether such I was the case or not. Archimedes had I just got in on N 3, two hours late and io.tiv;! with dust. He at once started lor a hot and cold bath emporium on Sixteenth Street, meantime wonder- • « ing how the dickens he would settle that crown business. He tilled the bathtub level full, and j piling up his rament on the floor, 'jumped in, displacing a large quantity jof water, equal to his own bulk. He thereupon solved the question of specI ilic gravity and forgetting his bill, forgetting his clothes, he sailed up Sixteenth Street and all over Syracuse J shouting "Eureka!" He ran head I first into a Syracuse policeman and howled "Eureka!'' The policeman said: "You'll have to excuse me; I don't know him." He scattered the Syracuse Normal School on its way home and tried to board a Fifteenth Street bobtail car, yelling "Eureka!" The car driver told him that Eureka wasn't on the car, and referred Archimodes to a clothing store. Everywhere he was greeted with surprise. He tried to pay his carfare, but found that he had left his money in his other clothes. So he thought it was the revised statue of Herculea; that he had' become weary of standing on his pedestal during tlie hot weather, and had started out for fresh air. I give this as 1 remember it. The story is foundered on fact. Archimedes once said: "Give me where 1 can stand and I will move the world." Icouid write it in the original Greek, but, fearing that the noliI pareil delirium tremens type might get ishort, 1 give it in the English language. j It may be tardy justice, to a great mathematician and scientist, hut r » have a few resolutions of respect which I would be very glad to get printed on this solemn occasion and mail copein of the paper to his relatives and friends. 'Whereas, It has pleased an Allwise Providence to remove from our midst Archimedes, who was ever at the front in all deservng labors au denterprses; and, "Whereas, We can but feebly express our great sorrow in the loss of Archimedes, whose front name has escaped our memory, therefore, "Resolved, That in his death we have lost a leading citizen of Syracuse, and one who never shook his friends — never weakened or giggled back on those he loved. "Resolved, That copies of these resolutions will be spread on the momenta of the meeting of the Common Council o r Syracuse, and that they Ik> published in the Syracuse papers eodtfpdq&cod. and that niarke dcopies of said paper* be mailed to the relatives of the deceased."—Bill Nye. Success. It is easy enough to be a successful business man, If you are a* perfectly porcine jierson, lost to all the finer feelings of' humanity. But the man worth while is the mart' who can be Successful Without misrepresenting his goods. Without adulterating his products, Without bribing public officials, Without making a sweatshop of hi*-, factory, Without employing little children, Without asking for a protective tariff. Tsst*. A banker writing anonymously in. 'System' says that one of the te»th ol a customer is "whether be can Gleanup. Every customer ought to do that once a year; pay up his bank limn* absolutely clear. We'll be ready to. loan it right back to him, but #e wantto know that ho can do it." This is such a favorite idieal with bankers that we wonder they do not apply it to themselves. Let; tliene h<* a rule made that every banker pay «tf all his depositors once a year. We will Ih» ready to put the money rujcht back, but we want to know that he «*« do it.

An Excited Editor. Is it jmtisible that tho torrid namuier ha saffectcdi the thinking boxes of the Chicago 'AinericanP' Dogs and cats shoufd be 'eliminated iu the cities' at onoe and as rapidly «* possible in the country. 'They are dangerou and out of date; their usefulgone. They spread disease. Dogs, as every educator knows,' even have a 'degrading influence' on the* minds of children!'!!' 'Whoever destroys a dog or a <i»h in this day performs a gfKxl action.' Keep your feet on the ground, lirothor. Had a dog or a oat written in such a manner almut humans there would have been far more sense in it. When it comes to varieties of outrage and murder, and to spreading disjease, the <log and the cat have nnicli to learn from tho two-legged, brute.