OUR MAIL BAG.

Mataura Ensign, Issue 1145, 5 February 1903, Page 6

OUR MAIL BAG.

NEWS FROM EVERYWHERE. A. rECTJLUH INSORAKCB BISK. I have (writes a London correspondent) previously referred to the strange policies of insurance that are sometimes arranged at Lloyds. Men are to be found who insure egainßt prospective disasters of the most remarkable kind, even against twins and against loss by speculation. The latest form of venture is insurance against appendicitis. For a premium of 5s the assurer will, if he undergoes an operation, have all his direct expenses paid up to £2OO. FOOTIIALLEBS IN ABMOOB. One of the New York papers recently published ' a gruesome list of the killed and wounded in the American football game. The football" armour " worn by the University of Colorado players in their match with the Denver Athletio Club was placed on exhibition at the Denver Athletic Clubhouse. The piece about which there is the greatest protest is a breastplate, which was worn by the captain of the University team. This consists of a piece of sheet-iron about as heavy as the material used in the manufacture of stove-pipes. It is heart-shaped, the indentation going under the chin, and the outside parts coming up high enough to completely protect the lungs. It is sufficiently deep to extend well down over the ribs. This is riveted to a heavy pieco of leather, and was strapped around the body of the player, under bis football uniform. WESTERN WONDEBS. Next living in Oaklahonia, the best thing is reading about it. You get just as much amusement that way, nod', it is a good deal safer. Here are a few of Oaklabama's doings picked up at random from the local papers:—" An old man and his old wife came to town last Saturdiay to market some produce. When near the depot the team became frightened and ran. away, demolished the waggon, killed themselves and the old man, and crippled the old woman so bad that she had to be shut." This, too, from ' The State Capital,' has a terse picturesquene'ss not easily to be found outside Oaklahoma. "Bill Grimes, Territorial Secretary recently mashed his foot while fighting a panther of enormous size. The secretary did not waver till the beast was slain. He discovered tracks along Hominy Creek, and alone and with a butcl ler's knife started to investigate. He soon cu me upon the panther under a projecting rock. Grimes dared the animal to come forth. It thought the secretary looked easy, and promptly responded. Grimes came into the camp dragging the panther behind him, aA'ter a light which was both long and bloody. So at least reports Bill Grimes, the only witness." A BEMOro.I STOBY. A singularly disgra'jefnl story on the fertile subject of remounts is told by "Bangefinder" in ' Navy and Army.' " During the war," he says, " a system of fraud worked for some time. The colonel and officers of a colonial corpsi vfith a high-sounding title were always drawing remounfs, and were as constantly badly mounted. It then struck a remount officer that a very good class of animal was being used in Johannesburg in the cab traffic. Commandeering was commenced, and it was then discovered that the whole of the cabs in the town—or a very largo proportion of them—were run by a syndicate consisting of the officers of the colonial corps with a high-sounding title. The majority of the remounts had gone to increase the dividends of the shareholders. Cabs at this period were pljing at 7s Od an hour. A closer investigation ai'so brought to light the tact that the said syndicate fed its stable on Government ration ccrn. CHUKCH SERVICES IN DABKNESS. In the hope of checking the increasing reluctance of their parishioners to attend church services, several of the London clergy are devising means to render the services more attractive. The Kev. C. J. Parker, vicar of the Clerkeuwell, is to begin a series of services that will be held in absolute darkness. The hymns will be sung and the prayers read behind a screen. Mr Parker says that the idea was prompted by the knowledge of the dread that the average woman has of appearing in church worse clad than her neighbor. His parish is poor, and the women frequently explain their nonattendance by saying that they cannot afford to dress well enough to attend church. It is mainly with the view to making comparisons impossible and inoidc ntally concentrating the female worshippers' attention upon sorious thoughts by preventing their becoming absorbed in studying their neighbor's hats and gowns that has led to the experiment in holding services in darknoss. INMAN naOQOENCE. " Son of a she-ass, work!" " Curs, whose fathers' graves shall be defiled by Bwine ; dig faster!" "Pigs, and children of pigs, for what does the Sirkar pay you pice ? Haste, or it will be the worse for you." If a British foreman were to address stimulating remarks ol this character to British laborers one can imagine the result that would ensue. The Hindu coolie is, however, such a past-master in the art of vituperate insult himself that such flowers of speech affect him not at all, however freely they may be interspersed (as they invariably are) with unprintable aspersions upon the chastity of his female relatives. All over the great canvas city that j was brought into being outside the gates of' Delhi, native overseers could be heard every day, and all day long, hurling language of much more oppalling character at the laborers under their control, and the only effect it produced was to stir more toilers to occasional spasms of activity some 30 per' cent, below that of an employee in a Government office at home.—Delhi correspondent, London ' Daily Cbron icle.' I'OET ACTH AS BDTLEB. Society circles in Chicago are greatly amused over an incident which ocourred at the house of Miss Mncgaret Lord, one of the wealthiest residents in Chicago. Mr Charles Sumner Pike, a well-known author and poet, made a wager that he could act as butler at her house for one evening without betraying himself. Mr Pike dressed himself in regulation butler's costume and a powdered wig, and stood respectfully at table. None of the guests, with most of whom he was well acquainted, recognised him. At dinner he was kept busy serving the dishes, answering to the name of " James." Miss Lord purposely led the conversation to Mr Pike's literary work, which some of those present severely criticised. One guest finally asked, " Who is this Pike ?" The hostess said, " James step into the library and get Mr Pike's photograph." The supposed butler brought the photograph, and Mr Piko'B personal appearance was unfavorably commented on. Miss Lord then remarked, " We will now adjourn to the drawing-room, and I will introduce you to my butler." The result was indescribable. It was then announced that Mr Pike had won his bet.