Page 3 Advertisements Column 4

Mataura Ensign, Issue 1145, 5 February 1903, Page 3

Comic Cuttings* ,

He: Are you going to the opera?" She: " No; I have such " cold I can't speak above a whisper." £•». Duaby : " What's in tn.ni bottle—poison?" Dooby :" I guess there must be; there isn't any label on it." Yeast: "Do you give your dog any exercise?" Crtmsonbeak : "Oh, yea; he goes for a tramp nearly every day." She : " I wish you wouldn't smoke that cigarette in my presence." He: "Then I'll throw it away." " Oh, I didn't mean that." " I thought marrying him would make a different man of him," she sighed. "And " "It made an indifferent man of him." Young Business Man : " When do you •think is the best time to advertls»?" Old Business Man : " All the time, young man." Grtnnen : " What are you going to take for that frightful cold?" Barrett : "I'll take anything you'll offer. Do you want it?" She: "I have heard that you said that I was fond of the sound of my own voice." He : " Well, you have yourself admitted that you like music." Watts : " Statesman Witts says he never pays any attention to the papers." Potts: "So? I wonder how he gets hold of all his jokes?" She : "I think I will do the cooking myself awhile." He :•• H'm ! That v. us what you wanted me to take out more life insurance for, was it?" Friend (to doctor) : •• You seem frightfully busy of late ; regularly run off your legs." Doctor (thoughtlessly) : " Yes, it's killing work !" He : " How many voices are there in that choir at your church?" She: "About seven." He : " Why, 1 had an impression that it had furty or fifty; members." She : "So it has, but you' asked me how many voices." "They ain't so much difference between us fellers and you fellers," said the pugilistic gentleman to the military] gentleman, " only we do all our talkiflfbefore the fi.qhl, an' you begin after the figlttln' Is over—see?" " Gimme a piece of apple-pie, quicfcl" s:iid a traveller at an American ratlwajj en me waiter. ■■ Wiiat do you meaol* inquired u,e traveller. "Knife or forfcjr* answered the waiter. g .u goons. vvnat, snail we do of Firm: "How is sne dressed?* nit : •• Furs and diamonds." Head tn : " Beg her pardon, and ask. tf ill send the bill to her house." •wiy-made grave in a Lancashire! ■ry was decorated with a nunrbtt] i\ tributes. One of them had at. to it a card bearing these wttbjrds :—" With Mrs. X's deep sytß" and, primed in the corner, "Jdi

curate (preaching economy): "Three pounds for that dug ? Why, just thttk. my friend, for that money you could have bought two pigs." Farmer (a sport) : " Ay, and a bonny fule OI should look a ratlin' \vi' two pigs 1 ! !" Jones : "There was a dog howling under my window last night, and " Smith (knowingly): "That was a sign of death." Jones: "Ycu may be-sure It was ! And, as I was going to say, it was the first time 1 ever hit when 1 wanted to." Clara: "Say, George, I \va... to buy papa a pair of shoes as a present. l)o you know what style he wears ?" George (whom papa has threatened to kick out of the house) : " 1 never took any particular notice of 'em, but—l—wouldn't gel him pointed shoes. They're rm»i: out of fashion." First Street Merchant : " It's a shame, Bill, to think that any one would swindle a poor, hard-working man that way." Second Ditto : " Here 1 worked hard for half-a-day painting up a sparrow into a red-headed Belgian canary, and I'm blowed if the fellow I sold It to didn't give me a counterfeit half-crown for 11." Little Tommy quarrelled witji hia sister, and would not kiss and be friends. His aunt said, "Oh, don't you remember what papa read at family prayers this n-orning, that we were to forgive seventy times seven V" " Yes." replied Tommy, " but I liekerlarly noticed it was to your brother, not sister." Smith: "Awfully rotten tobacco you smoke, Johnson. Common shag, isn't it V" Johnson : " Ye-es. unny fancieß men have about smoking. Shag's nothing, though : 1 knew a man who did worse than that." Smith : " What did he smoke 7" Johnson : •" Well, he was a common sort of chap—and ho «n«ked j haddocks."

How the Condor is Captured. There wore eight in (lie party, all wel mounted on fust, bronchos tlint, iu spite of tlio long ride, were in good condition. The eight were lined up on the edge of tlic wood, and with their leader well in advance, with ream in hand, moved on. We were walking im .horses, drinking in the beauty of it all when Moreno save a shout, and, clapping spurn to his broncho, sprang forward. The rest closed in and faced for a moment a huge bird that had be feeding on die body of a sheep, and tt surprised, started to run ; then, beating the air with its enormous wings, it rained iiself Bft. or 10ft. when the whirling ream of the Mexican fell over Ha neck. The fighting, struggling creature flapped heavily to the ground, and began a singular dance, holding up its wings and vainly endeavouring to throw, off the rope. The bird presented on extraordinary stretch of wing, and was a magnificent specimen of the California condor, the largest bird found within the borders of the United States. Afitet dancing and leaping around in a circlej, the condor made a vigorous spring iat» the air. and seemed to clamber upwattt only to fall headlong again and roQ over and over, biting at the lariat, snapping its powerful beak viciously at the horses, that trembled with fear at the strange figure. Moreno held th« lariat around the pommel of his sadT in a firm grasp, but in some way t_ noose slipped and became caught squarely around the bird beneath its wiugs. Thus, .partly relieved, it sprang into the air, literally lifting the Mexican from his saddle for a moment, suggesting the power and strength of the bird. Tiie condor having succeeded in entangling itself in a free, the party dismounted, and proceeded to pull it down —no easy task ; and finally the Mexican was obliged to climb up and secur* it. The claws of the condor are not offensive vreapons, nor used as such, but the powerful beak was lunged at the climber, like a sledge-hammer, with a force sufficient to have crushed a man's skull. But the Mexican had taken off his jacket, and, boldly approaching the condor, struck its head in return, warding off the blows of lu powerful wings until it became exhausted, when he seized it by the meek and wing and lowered it to the ground, where It was secured and bound. Not lialf-a-mile away another fine specimen was seen roosting in the trees, lint soon flew away, rising in graceful circle* till it attained a vast height