FLASHES OF FUN

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 3717, 2 November 1926, Page 7

FLASHES OF FUN

.MAXAOKH'S INSFIHATIOX. Milliard - : I’ve had Jones in three depart meins. and yet lie sleeps all day. Shop Assistant: Put him on the pyjama counter, and pin this card on Inni : “ Our pyjamas are so comfortable that even the man who sells them cannot keep awake.” JU * » A i’l: CAUSING YOUTH. “ Suppose.” said the new teacher, “ a man, working on a bridge, lost his hold ami fell into the river. Unable to swim, lie would be in danger of drowning. ‘‘Picture the scene, hoys! The man’s sudden fail, his frantic cries for help. Ills wife hearing the screams, and realising full well bis peril, rushes to the bank. Why does she rush to the bank?” A dramatic pause. ' Then a thin, piping voice: ” P-please sir, to draw the insurance money!” * * ir * TRAGEDY. A woman ran screaming out of her house. “Eire! Murder!” she cried wildly. A passer sprang to her aid. “ Where is the lire?” he asked. She only gasped. “ Who tried to murder you?” he in* sis ted. “Oh, i didn't mean that,” she said: “ but you should have seen the big rat our cat chased through the kitchen !” ■it * * UP-TO-DATE. Conductor: How old are you, little girl P Little Girl (haughtily): If the railway company doesn’t object. 1 prefer to pay lull fare and keep my own statistics. .THE EIGHT CAREER.

‘‘You know how we all thought young Brown would never get on because he was such a chatterbox?” “ Vos. How did ho get on?” Wonderfully. He became the announcer at a broadcasting station.” * * * * FROAI THE SUBLIME. They’ve a story going the rounds in Loudon concerning a British tourist who journeyed from Cairo to the Pyramide. Fired by romantic tales he felt sure he had readied the laud where crass Occidental life is unknown, and nothing savoring of Western “ eivilisaHou” would be allowed to disturb the Arabian Nights’ atmosphere. When be reached the Pyramids and was hoisted to a camel by an exceeding picturesque Arab, lie quivered with delight. But he had a rude awakening. ‘‘AV hat’s your camel’s, name?” lie asked the Arab. “Alary Picklord,” was the answer. *5 F ENOLISH AS IT IS SPOKEN. Teacher (meeting pupil in street); And how is your brother? Willie: Please, ma’am, I haven’t no brother. I eaeher : \\ illie, where’s join - grammar? W illie: She went down town last week. “ IF ONLY 1 COULD.” A rather stout man was having difficulties under ins ear when ho looked out and saw a boy sitting on tile fence. “ What are you doing there?” he asked. I was just watchiu replied the boy. “ And if- ” “ And if what?” ’’And il I could run faster I’d laugh.’’ DAILY CONTRIBUTIONS. A certain literary celebrity went to the United Stales on a lecturing tour. 1' uloi'tuua tely he was no sailor, and dunng the voyage he suffered acutely Worn mal de, mer. On arrival at New A ork he was met by a member of the '(all oi the ‘Atlantic Monthly,’ who him to contribute to that distinguished journal during his stay in America. No, thank you,” replied the Other, gravely “I have already contributed to the Atlantic daily.”