WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2788, 11 October 1910, Page 7

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

HIS POSITION. "You have been with that firm a long time," remarked the old school friend. "Yes," answered the man with the patient expression of countenance. "What's your position ?" "I'm an employee." "But what is your official title ?" "I haven't any official title. It's like this :—When the proprietor wants something done he tells the cashier, and the cashier tells the bookkeeper, and the bookkeeper tells the assistant bookkeeper, and the assistant bookkeeper tells the chief clerk, and the chief clerk tells me." "And what then ?" "Well, I haven't anybody to tell, so I have to go and do it." A COUPLE OF ASSASSINS. Monsieur Deverne was waiting at a station in Ireland for his train, when two Irishmen came on to the platform, and engaged in the following conversation :

"Sure, Pat, it's down to Kilmary I've been ; Oi'm now xm my way back down to Kilpatrick." "Arrah musha, Mike. It's meselt that's just after coming from being down to Kilkenny, and I stopped a bit before I go down to Kilmoore. I say, Pat, let us take the day and go down to Kilniaule." "Ye gods !" exclaimed the Frenchman, "what assassins ! I've heard Ireland was full of them." : CRUBHING THE HECKLER. i During a recent strenuously-fought by-election, one loud-voiced member of the audience at a meeting kept calling out, with irritating persistency : "We won't have our food taxed ! No taxes on food !" The candidate bore the interruptions with the utmost composure for some time. At length his patience bcacme exhausted, and singling out the interrupter he said, witheringly : '"Don't worry, friend—don't worry. We are not going to tax thistles." BESIDE THE WATER BUTT. The four-year-old descendant of a line of Baptist ministers was found on tiptoe, struggling to immerse her kitten in the rain-water barrel. The kitten was equally frantic in her efforts to avoid immersion, and at last, by dint of kicking, clawing, and wriggling, managed to free herself from her small mistress. As the tip of the little tail disappeared beneath the house the disappointed missionary ejaculated :

"You won't be a Baptist ! Then qo and be a Presbyterian !"

They were country people pure and simple, but they had read the home papers, and thought they were educated up to all the improvements of the day. When they visited Washington, D. C, they went through the Navy Department and saw the models of some of the new battleships. Pointing to a companion ladder hanging over the side of one of the ships, she asked her better half what it was. "Oh," he replied, "that's the fire escape." THEN THEY WERE BITTER ENEMIES. Two young lady friends met, and after an interchange of the usual salutations, one remarked : "0 May, I'm so glad to see you. Indeed, I was just on my way to call. The fact is, I want you, as my oldest friend, to be one of my bridesmaids." "Bridesmaid, Daisy ! How lovely !" exclaimed May. "But I didn't know you were engaged." "Well, I know it's sudden," was the answer, "but he's awfully much in love, you know ; and it's really just too sweet to live. Will you act, May ?" "Act? Of course I will. I shall be charmed. "But," and she took a step as though to move off, ""do come round the corner and tell me all about it. Here is Bob Henderson that laughing, gibbering idiot. He is grinning just as though he meant ' to stop, and I don't care to be seen talking to him. ! " Bob Henderson !" exclaimed Daisy, in an amazed fashion. "Why, he's the man I'm going to marry !" , DENNIS'S COMPLIMENT. Dennis Mulligan was paying his addresses to a widow, who, on giving a shudder, made use of the common expression that someone was "walking over her grave." Anxious to make the most of this opportunity for showing his affection for the lady of his choice, Dennis gallantly exclaimed : "By the powers, mavourneen, but I wish I was the happy man."