COOING COUPLES.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2293, 5 January 1900, Page 6

COOING COUPLES.

WHICH ? I sat in the ears, while jost behind Two ladies their nimble tongues combined In conversation, using phrases such As " I am so tired," and " Ever so much," "How lovely!" " I know," u He was bo kind," " I felt so badly," " I've half a mind," " A.nd did you see those beautiful things ? " \ How was it trimmed ? " " Such lovely string " "Do come and see me," " Oh, thank you, yes," " Isn't it awful ?" H Just see my dress," " Oh, dear me, do you think him nice ? " " My feet, I declare, are as cold as ice." And they talked of beaux, and other vanities Of bracelets, rings, and such inanities. My ears could no longer stand the jar, So I changed my seat to the smoking car. A change, indeed! Two men were there— And, truly, they were a precius pair! Their talk was vulgar, coarse, profane, They took the name of God in vain. And, getting weary of oath and curee, I went back to the girls, thinking: " Which is worse ? "

MORE DAUGHTERS WANTED. " Now that we are engaged," said Miss Pettleworth, " let me introduce you to papa." " I believe that I have met him," replied young Spickle. " But in another capacity than that of a son-in-law." " Yes—er, bat I'd rather not meet him to night." " Oh, you must," and despite the almost violent struggles of the young fellow, he was drawn into the library, where a large redfaced man, with a squint in one eye and an enlargement of the nose, sat looking over a lot of papers. " Father," said the girl. " Hush," he replied without lookng up. " I wish to present you " "What."'he exclaimed, looking up and catching sight of young Spickle. " Have you the impudence to follow me here ? Didn't I tell you I'd see you to-morrow ? " " Why, father, you don't know Mr. Spickle, do yon ? " " I don't know his name, but, him, I know he has been to my office three times a day for the past week with a bill. 1 know him well enough. I can't pay that bill tonight young man. Come to my office to-morrow. " I hope," said Spickle, " that you do not think so ill of me. I have not come to collect the bill you have referred to, but—" " The deuce! Got another one ? " "You persist in misunderstanding me, I did not come to collect a bill. I can come to-morrow and see you about that. To-night I proposed to your daughter, and have been accepted. Our mission is to acquaint you with the fact, and ask your consent to our marriage." " Well," said the old fellow, " is that all? Blame if I didn't think you had a bill. Take the girl if that's all you want; but say, didn't I tell you to bring the bill to-morrow? " " Yes, sir." " Well, you needn't Our relations are different now. I wish I had a daughter for every bill-collector in town." It has been noticed that nothing makes a woman laugh so much as a new Bet of teeth. ••• A Safe Stopping-place.—" Why do bo many novels end just at the marriage of the hero and heroine I " " The author stops there because he wants to leave them while they're happy." ••• Change of Garrison.—Mistress: Jane, whatever is the matter with your hair ? Servant: Madam, it's the cavalry regiment; they all wanted a lock of my hair before they left. Never Satisfied.—Lieutenant: Oh, mein fraulien, one more kiss from those beautiful lips, and then " Young Lady (coyly): Well, what then ? Lieutenant: Another one!

" I should not object to your marrying young Mr. Griffin," said Ethel's father, " if I thought he was a young man of determination and grit. Ido not think he has what may be called tenacity of purpose." " I don't know,pa," returned Ethel, " he's proposed to me nine times so far."

Young Man: Can you lend me your rubber mark eraser until morning, Charley? Charley: Certainly.

Young Man: Thanks. I'm going up tonight to ask old Moneybags for his daughter and if I don't get her I shall want something to bite on my way home.

" Clara, I love but thee alone. Indeed, I speak the truth 1" He paused—the blush o'erspread her cheek.

She let him draw her near. Scarce for emotion could she speak. Yet still sheaßked, in accents meek, " How much have you a year ?"

An Alternative.—Widow: Herr Muller, you are a bachelor, and have now been coming to our house for so long a time that, as a widow, and the mother of grown-up daughters, I cannot regard the matter with indifference. Therefore, please decide, either to marry me or one of my daughters.

An Elopement Frustrated.—" Will you fly with me, sweetness?" said the ardent young lover to his charmer, as they sat in the parlour on Sunday night. " Yes, dear," replied the girl. " 111 fly with you." "Ah!" growled the girl's papa, as he listened outside the door, " I must set a fly trap for this precious pair of flyers."

Dangers of Courting Fat Girls. —I was in love once with a fat girl. She whs enormous. But the course of my true love came to grief. I was sitting with her in the dim twilight one evening. I was sentimental; and said many soft things.

I embraced part of her. She seemed distant. She frequently turned her lovely head from me. At last I thought J heard the murmur of voices on the other side. I arose and walked around, and there I found another fellow courting her on the other side. I was indignant, and I upbraided her for her treachery in thus concealing from me another love. She laughed at my conceit, as if she were not big enough to have two lovers at once.

She Preferred a Day Earlier.—She had named Friday of the following week as the day for the wedding. " But Friday is an unlucky day,/' said George. , " Oh, so it is 1" she exclaimed, " I had forgotten that. No, it wouldn't do to be married on Friday." " How would Saturday or Monday do ?" suggested George, tenderly. The girl hesitated and blushed a little. Then she said—- " I—l think Thursday would be better.