Comic Cuttings.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2278, 15 September 1899, Page 6

Comic Cuttings.

" What do ilcy mean by a test case " A t■ ■si e,is> is on.- which is ■ : t>> s h"W iiiUra llit* lawyers can mak• • "Ut of it." Mis. Sw et: "T>o y■ ■ii find it economical i" 'I" your "\vn rooking'.'" .Mrs. Biii'iieni: "Oil, y-s. My husband doesn't • it half as much as win-n w> had :i <-ook." Ulle of the sweetest pil'ltll'es "!" domestic. eei.tmnij is ibat "I a blacking a white st'ickinu, so that it won't show 1 lii < l liLi]i the lissiii'e.s in his tout. II- : " And I will promise that I will 1- : \""U have your own way in everything." She : "Oil. I don't require that." ll.> : "You don't?" She: "I mean t;l). promise." Sm ill Man (before Police Magistri'.-O --Magistrate; " What's the cha'-ge, officii' ?" Huge Officer : " At'.impt'ed sui"id-. soi-." Magistrate: "Statu- the particulars." Officer: ""Well, lie wanted t' foight me, sor." J ihn.nie," said -a mother to her ;ive-\ear-old son, "never let me see you throwing stones at Willie Mackintosh again. If he throws stones at you, come for me." " Are you a good shier, ma?" a'-k. d the l'ttle cha.p.

"If you have lanv Inst wish," said the clergyman to the convicted man in the electric chair, " tell me, and T will trv to carry it out." " Yes," replied the poor wretch ; "I want to 1-m:ii to play the piano."

"This predicting the weather's mighty p.asy," said the septic. "Could vou do it?" "Certainly. All you have to do is to predict a hot wave when it's cold, and a cold wave when it's hot, and stick to it."

Jonesley : " Coming- -around to mv gulden wedding .next week ?" Browkins (indignantly) : "Your golden wedding. Why, man, you're not 3F>." Jonesley : " No ; but T have bagged an heiress."

" Gentlemen of the jury." said an Irish lawyer, " it will be for you to decide iwhether t'he defendant shall be allowed to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with a cloak ..f hypocrisy in his moutfh, and draw tnree bullocks out of my client's pocket with impunity."

Wife (with determined air) : "I wont to see 4hat letter." Husband: "What letter?" Wife: "That one you just "P'iied. 1 know hy the ha'mhvp tinthat it is from a woman, and you turn.' 1 pal- when you read it. I will se- it. Hive it to me, sir." Husband : " Here it is. It's your milliner's bill."

A Rechuanaland journal lately contained the (following announcement : - " T'he ' News' is smaller than usual this week owing to the smallpox scare having d 'priV 'd us of the motive power for our printing machine, in the shape of our native hoys, who are shut up in the location."

During a mission lately held printed notices were given to the factory men each day. One notice ran thus " Come in your working clothes ami bring others." Fortunately the printer saw the humour of the situation in time to prevent a wag arriving with a change of apparel in a Gladstone bag."

The conversation was about Rishops, and one fervent dame said : " How good the dear Rishop of Rramblehorough is ! What, a g>"id man !" Instantly a gentleman replied : " There is no merit in that. Rishops o.ight to be so. Thev get five thousand a year for being good, while we are expected to be g,,..d for nothing; and most of us are."

An American lady, resident in Ttalv, was taken into dinner by an English nnbh man, who was something of a puppy. "You are acquainted with the Americans. I believe ?" he said. "Oh yes, very well," she replied. "An awfully vulgar people, aren't they ?" "Yes." was the retort: "but what "can you expect of people descended from the English ?" And there the conversation ceased.

Mr. Sayles : " Why. my dear—why .ire >'• 'ii cry in? ?" Mrs. Sayles (with sobsi : Oh. John, don't you remember my new cropon ski•• t T-ffot at Rich a barer,in last <V>r fifteen shilling's ?" Mr. Pa vies : " Yes ; what 7 " I\ f' y. Sayles (weeping afresh): "I p-p-assed Messrs. Rags t-t-tn-day. and t)v\v were all m-m-marked down to fourte-n shillings and elevenpence three farthings—-hoo-hoo !"