Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1586, 22 April 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

When a young lady runs off and marries a coachman a great fuss is made about it; but every day some bride marries a groom, and nothing is thought of that. Master (to his apprentice after a drubbing) —"lt gives me real pain to thrash you so often." Apprentice—" Indeed! Pains you, does it P Then let's have another hiding." There is one thing calculated to develop all the latent pedestrian ability a woman has in her, and that is to be caught in a shower with her Sunday bonnet on and no umbre la. " Och," said a love sick Hibernian, " what a recreation it is to be dying in love ! It sets the|heart aching 10 delicat ely there's no taking a wink of sleep for the pleasure of the pain! " Johnnie, I will tell you a secret if you won't tell. Sister Emily is engaged to Mr White. I heard mamma and sis talking about it. The secret is that he doesn't know it himself yet." " Ah, John !" she said, just before marriage, " I fear I'm not worthy of you. You are such a good man." " Never mind, I'll change after the wedding." A young farmer in Bhode Island being asked if he believed in a future state, replied, " In course I does, and I'm goin' io enter it tue.jeat as soon as Betsy gits her thing« ready. The individual who called tight boots comfor table defended his position by saying that they made a man forget all his other miseries.

A lady placed the follo-ving letters in the bottom of her flour barrel, and asked her husbmd to read them:—o 1 C U 8 M T, " Pa, have you got the hydrophobia P" M No, Bertie; " what makes you ask that question?" Well, I heard ma say to-day that you got awfully bitten when you thought she had a fortune in her own name."—Harper's Baxasr. Magistrate—" You will have three days' imprisonment on bread-and-water for begging and vagrancy." Beggar couldn't your Worship lot me have better fare ? I wouldn't mind being locked up a few days longer." A youth in the Wett called George was en* ♦ gaged to be married but was fiDaucially unable to call in the minister. His affianced wanted the affair brought to a finale, hut George kept putting her off with promises, saying that he was not able to marry, io., &o. Finally she said," Dear Gaug, lam witling to marry you, if we have to live on bread aud water." •« Well, well," " cried Gaug" in desperation, " You furnish the bread, and I'll try and skirmish around and hunt up enongh water."

" I think," said the demure Miss Waita* little," that a Christmas present from pa and ma would be very nice, you know, but what [ really would like——" " would be a Christmas present from some one out of the family she responded quietly. "Did you hear that Isaacs, the pawnbroker, had recently been presented with triplets ?" said Sam Sample. "JSo," replied Peabody Jamieson. " But it was quite the proper thing." What was it?" "Three bawls, you know."