Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1583, 1 April 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

Don Pedro's venerable aunt, the esteemed and beautiful Princess Isabella Maria Concepeion Jane Charlotte Gnalberta Anna Francis of Assisi Xaviera Paula d'Alcantera y Antoinette Raphela Michael a Gabriella Joachina Goniaga—eh ? where were we P— what was it ?—oh, yes—is dead.— Washington Post. Hicks was talking to Thackeray of a certain gentleman's (strange addiction to beer. " It's a great pity," said Hicks, " that he does not keep a check-rein on himself, for he is a marvellous fellow otherwise—l mean, for talent. I hardly know hia equal." No," retorted Thackeray," he is a remarkable man. Take him for half-and-half, we ne'er shall look upon his like again. Moore writes in his diray :—ln talking of Frere, Smith told a mot of his I hare not heard before. Madame de— having said, in her intense style," I should like to be married in English, in a language in which vows are so faithfully kept" Some one asked Frere " What language, I wonder, was she married in ?" "Broken English, I suppose," answered Frere. Remember, though box in the plural makes boxes. The plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. And remember, though fleece in the plural is fleeces, That the plural of goose isn't gooses nor geeses. And remember, though hon.se in the plural is houses, The plural of mouse should be mice, not mouses. Mouse, it is true, in the plural is mice, But the plural of house should be houses not bice, And foot, it is true, in the plural is feet, But the plural of root should be roots, and not reet. Jerdan told Lord William Lennox that when Thomas Campbell published his domestic tale of "Theodoiic," the ', conversation turned upon it. " I think," said a wag, "it is selling prodigiously, a»d that the author will gain a large sum on the odd trick (Theodoric), without counting tbe honours." I rather fancy (says Lord William) tbe wag referred te was Jerdan himself. An extraordinary " wheeze" for Christmas time has just been published in the shape o the usual label for luggage, with green ribbon strings to tie it on to the luggage with. On one side is printed "Christmas notioe:— Should I be found overcome by the festivities of the season the friendly finder will much oblige by fastening this label to my buttonhole, and sending me home." Here follow spaces for the name and the address. The other side of the label has not got a headache on it, but" with the seasonable greetings of the festive season." " Good night, Lodemia. Once more, please." " Not another one, Marcellus. " Haven't had but nine, Lodemia." " Well, nine's enough." "No it isn't. You thought I had ten, and I'm entitled to ten" •' I believe you did have ten." " Lodemia, I solemnly assure you I had only nine. Give me one more and I'll go." " For the Lord's sake, Lodemia," came in accents of entreaty from an upper storey of the building adjoining, as the oald head of a lodger was thrust out into the pale moonlight, " let tbe young man have it if he'll only go, I want to get to sl»ep some time to-night!" The bald head was drawn in. A fe f hurried whisperings, a muffled sound as of mashed potatoes striking against a brick wall, and all was still, save the monotonous! rasping af a katydid and the shrill defiance of a distant rooster. —Chicago Tribune. A timid young man, of New York, was visiting a beautiful young lady the otherevening, when, after a pause, she said, looking at him closely, " Now, I want to propose to you." "You ere very kind," said the diffi.lent young man, between gasps and blushes; " bub lam not worthy of such happiness —and, in fact, none of our family are marrying people —besides, my income it limited—my balance is on the wrong side—l have to meet Mr Smith, and I'm afraid 1 shall be late." Then without waiting to put on his o/ercoat, he tried to make exit through 'he door of a cupboard. " Why," said the young lady, biting her eyebrows in surprise, " 1 wanted you to accompany me to a friend's in Main Street." "Oh, in that case," answered her swain, "if your head's level, and tbe boot is on the other foot, 1 shall only be too happy; but I was afraid—that is almost dared to hopein fact, lam subject to these seizures." And he sat down on the coal-scuttle, and said it was a very cold day—hadn't seen suou weather since the 4th of July.