Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1580, 11 March 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

"Ah," said Jebokus, taking his friend'* baby, "he has got his mother's eyes—and my hair, " he added as the youthful prodigy grabbed him by the foretop. W/ien Lard Srskine was Chancellor, being asked by the Secretary whether he would attend the grand ministerial fish dinner at the end of the session, he answered—" To bt sure I will; what would your fisk dinner be without the Great Seal?" An old Highland clergyman, who had received several calls to parishes, asked hie servant where he should go. His servant said—"G-o where there is most sin, sir." The preacher concluded that that was good advice, and went where there was most money. Overheard in a Dundee tramoar —Tim O'Flynn—" It's a nice day sir." (No answer) "I say, sir, it's a fine day." Aristocratic barrister—" I'm a lawyer, and never give my opinion unless paid for it, my good man." Tim—" Well, ye may be a lawyer, but faith' yer no gentleman. That's my opinion and not a ha'penny will I charge for it aither." A gentleman stepped into an American store where none but " mourning goods " were sold, and asked for slate c >lou-ed gloves. The polite clerk informed him that only black goods were sold in that room; for elate* coloured goods he must go into the •' mitigated affliction department." Mother—Are you going to take Bobby to the ci-ens this afternoon?" Father—"No; these circuses are all nonsense. He will be better off for not going." Mother—"The po >r little fellow will be disappointed. But what makes you so la'e to dinner, dear ?" Father—'' I have been down to the depot watching them take the elephants off the train."—New York Bnn.

One day a publish ;r'a errand-boy brought up from the cellar a trap containing a large rat just. as a lady customer wishing to look at one of Lytton's most popular novels, said to the new shopman, "I want to see 'What Will He Do With It?*" "Certainly, madam," was the reply; "if you will walk to the back of the shop and look out of the window you will see him drown it." A wife of nearly ten years, having given her servant a holiday, was attending to culinary matters herself, and, hearing her husband coming into the kitchen, thought she would surprise him as he entered the door by throwing her hands over his eyes end impressing a kies on his brow, as in the days of the honeymoon. The husband returned the salute with interest, and asked as he disengaged her hands, "Mary, my darling where is your mistress ? " The wife discharged " Alary, darling," the next day, and has adopted a new plan of " surprising " her husband.

A benevolent young lady, who had for a long time sought to convey some lasting moral lessons to young boys at the North End who had been gathered into her class, while conversing with one of the youngster! recently, referred to the death of his brother, when he spoke up in a tone expressive of pride and gratification, " Oh, that ain't all the dead I got; I had 'nother brother die a while ago." Another lad in the same class, while listening to his teacher's moral essay one day, with his eyes intently fastened on her face, interrupted her with, "Stay, teacher, you hain't moved your upper jaw since you bin lalkin'."—Boston Journal.