Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1579, 4 March 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

A writer says that "dress is a woman's great conundrum." B'lt it is hoped she will never be compelled to *' give it up." " Well," said an Irish cttorney, " if it plain the Court, if I am wrong in this, I hare another point that is equally conclusive." Miss Sharpe—" Are you fond of waltzing, Mr Awkward ? " Mr Awkward—" 0, excessively ! I could wait* for ever in a dream of enchantment!" Miss Sbarpe—" Well, then, I wonder you don't learn!" In a cafe of the Boulevard. " Garjon, this coffee is detestable. It is certainly not mocha nor is it even bourbon." " Pardon, monsieur it is bourbon. I will swear to that, but per* baps it is the younger branch." Captain Jawkios—"No, I'm not exactly engaged, but I have the re r usal of two or three girls." Miss Ethel—" What a capital way of putting it! I suppose you mean rou have asked them, and they hare said 1 No. Johnny—"What is the difference between sense and sensation, papa ? " Papa—" When I come downstairs, Johnny, to whip you, you usually bolt out of the door. That is sense. When I grab you and apply the whip, that is sensation." It seems that tbe Irish ball flourishes even in the tropical clime of India .A well-known Irish Peer holding high offioe|lately turned up the corner of a begning letter, and wrote on it for the instruction of bis private secretary! " Reply that there is no answer." A married couple Bitting down to a game of cards—She—" What are you going to play for ?" He—" Anything you like." She—- " Let us play for a velvet jacket, dear. If you lose, I shall have the ohooaing of it; and if I lose, you shall." Omaha Man—" I understand your candidate for governor, Colonel Moonlight, is not making much headway p" Kansas Man—- " Well, it's his own fault." "Itis ? " " Yes; I advised him two years ago to get his name changed to Torchlight." Playing Teller—"l don't know that you are the man whose name is on this cheque. You'll have to be identified before I can give you the moLey." Pat—" Oidentifoyd, is it ? Sure, thin, cast yer oye on this bit of a fortygraf and ye'll see it's meself entoirely." PhineasT Birnum told this story about himself in his address of weloome to the delegates to the Connecticut Universalist Convention in Bridgeport:—" Ah old clergyman once said to me,' Mi Barnua, I hope to meet you in Heaven.' I answered, ' You will, if you are there.'" A gentleman in the West of Scotland, celebrated for bis wit, was coarersing with a lady, who, at last quite overpowered by the brilliance and frequency of his bon mott, exclaimed, " Stop, sir; there is really no eud to your wit."—- God forbid, madam," replied che humorist, " that I should ever be at my wit's end."

A Boston tailor of 22 years' experience has never found a customer with both lege exactly of the same length. The average difference is one sixteenth of an inch. There is about the same difference in arms, and eyes and ears are never exactly of the same strength in seeing and hearing, "My darling little wife," said a husband " you will be pleased to hear I hive ju*t insured my litis." "Yes, of course," replied the wife," there it is again —another proof of how utterly selfish and inoonsiderate men are, always thinking of themselves. Natur* ally it never occurred to you to insure my life." '