ARTEMUS WARD'S COURTSHIP.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1579, 4 March 1887, Page 3

ARTEMUS WARD'S COURTSHIP.

There was many affectin ties which made me hanker arter Betsy Jane. Her father's farm jined our'n ; their cows and our'n squencht their thrust at the same spring; our old mares both had stars in their forreds; the measles broke out in both famerlies at nearly the same period ; our parients (Betsy's and mine) slept regularly every Sunday in the same meetin find the nabers used to absarve, " How thick the Wards and Peasleys air !'* It was a sublime site, in the spring of the year, to see our several mothers (Betsy's and mine), with their gowns pin'd up so they couldn't sile 'em, affecshunitly Billin sope together and aboorin the nabers. Altho I hankered intensely a r^er the objeck of my affecshuus, I darsunt tell her of the fires which was rajin in my manly Buzzum. I'd tried to do it but my tung would kerwollup up agin the roof of my mowth and stick thar, like deth to a deseast African or a country postmaster to bis offis, while my hart whanged agin my ribs like a oldfashioned wheat Flale agin a barn door.

' Twas a calm still nite in Joon. All nater was husht and nary zeffer disturbed the sereen silens. I sot with Betsy Jane on the fense of her father's pastur. W'd bin rompin threw the woods, kullin flours and drivin the woodchuck from his Native Lair (so to speak) with long sticks. Wall, we sot thar on the fense, a-swingin our feet two 'and fro, blushin as red as the Baldinaville skool house when it was fust painted, and lookin very simple, I make no doubt. My left arm was ockepied in ballunsin myself on the fense, while mv rite was woundid luvingly round her waste.

I cleared my throat and tremblingly sed," Betsy, you're a gazelle." I thought that air was putty fine. I waited to see what effeck it would have upon her. It evidently didn't fetch her, for she up and sed: " You're a sheep 1" Sez I, " Betsy, I think very muchly of you." " I dont b'leeve a word you §ay —so tl ere now com 1" With which obsarvasbun she hitched away from me. " I wish thar was winders to my Sole," sed I," so that you could see some of my feelins. There's fire enuff in here," sed I, striking my buzzum with my fist, "to bile all the corn beef and turnips in the naberhood. Versoovious and the Critter ain't a circumstans!"

She bowd her head down and com* menst ehawio the strings to her sun bonnet,

" Ar could you know the sleeplis nites I worry through with on your account, how vittles has seized to be attractive to me, and how my lins has shrunk up, you wouldn't dowt me. Gise on this wastin form, and these 'ere sunken cheeks—'' 1 should have continnered on in this strain probably for sum tiire, but unfortnitly I lost my ballunse and foil over into the pastur korsmash, teirin my close and seveerly damagin myself ginerally. Betiy Jane sprung tj my assistance in dubble quick time and dragged me 4th. Theu drawin herself up to her full hite she sed :

" I won't listen to your noncents no longer. Jes say rite strate out what your're drivin at. If you mean gcttin hitched, I'm in !" I considered that air enuff for all practical and we proceeded immejitly to the person's, and was made 1 that very nite.