Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1521, 5 March 1886, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

No one ever hears any oomplilfot of 4 mUflfc when an old house tries on a eoat of Trying to do busimss without advertising is like winking at a girl in tbei4rk.t:Tou may know what you we doing, bat no one else does. •' ■ . I >. »•• C,l 'I do think that iaaa unlucky timber,' said a pert young miss who had just entered her teens. "It's too old for dolli and too youbg for beaux' 1 R/ ' i An illiterate publican wrote over his door, ' Bear sold here.' 'He spells totd correctly,' laid Theodore Hook, if he means to apprise us that the article is W his own Bruin -' -• , ut r,:tf

Gustave Dore once bought a Villa <ypt ?the outskirts of Paris, and written, uncover the entrance the musical quotation,' Do, Mi, Si, La, Do,' Be. This being properly interpreted is' Domicile a Dore.' "' oil u A lady asked a minister if she pay attention to dreM and fashion without being proud. 1 Madam replied the minister,' whenever you see the tail of a fox out of .a hole you may be sure the fox is there also. 1 You would like this hound in Turkey V asked a bookseller of his rural customer for •' Scrateher's History of the World?.'' *i)h, no,' was the reply, * no use sending on it out there; bind it m Warwick.' A ;>n ? t A duel was recently fought betwteft a Russian and an Englishman, in a dark idom in San .Francisco. The £nglishm*a, pot wishing te have blood on his hands, fired the pistol up the chimney, and, to his horror, down came the v As Meissonier, the artist, was passing Ledoyen's reefeurant, in the Champs Elysees, an old beggar bowed to him' gravely way of soliciting aim*. ' I have no o)>ii§e,' aaid Meissonier, feeling in bi» Xbea at least return me my bow,' replied tne old man frigidly. T ' ' , l ' 7 A gentleman was one day, in the, old coaching times, travelling by a coach which moved at a very slow pace. *PrWy eaidlie to the gvard,' what is tin name of that 4oach ?' ' The fiegulator,' was the itply. <t4 4*4 » very appropriate too,' said thp traveller 'for I see all the other coaches go by i •?.* ■. : 'vzv'm '

Mrs Montague—Do you sing, Mr (le livle P Mr de Lyle (with a superior smile)-* 1 belong to the college glee-club. Mn ltbnM|ue (disappointed)—o, I'm so sorry. I Mped that you sang. ~ , ;; . rv .< Dr Dio. Lewis declares that hot w»t«r will cure every complaint that human fleck, is heir to, yet all the same a good deal of,com* plaint comas from people who get inte' hot Safrr. : >7';™ 'A*nU A Massachusetts man brought ajug of cider to the editor of his country weekly," atrif- the knight of iheqwill-iramediately shut himself in and hung out a placard saying : i "This is my busy day." _ ;l f;; , , f / _ „ } , [,f lmW If the natives of pastern Europe a particle of sympathy far telegraph and telegraph editors, they would never fight. The heathenish names frttri that douutry are enough to make a needle ernnjei i f fl r The Rev Sam Jones having stated in k' recent sermon that a " dude lis a jaofcaes/ 1 the Uinghamtou Republican responds,: Mr Jdnes is [surely mistaken. . While a dudf it liot distinguished for brain, the other animal it all breyin.

The man who has the courafce to disease politics with his wife Would not litrtih from contradicting his mother-ib la war matters relating to the babies, but such a man rarely dies of old,age, j •> " Look heah I ' aaid old BiUs t meeting the Governor of ." de-tell »e dat-de cholera hab.got e* at,de niggers. Ye?, it carries tbem oil," the Governor plied. H Uh, uh. It's er softer, Democrat 'leaia, pun't it P -Da Teller is sorter in faber o* de 'Pubtiuana. It am strange what campaign 'tlueuoe* White folks fetches ,t9r bar* oo the sitywatwf." A feeble old darkey struggled pniqfully ia. "Boss" he said, ",I'se an old man* born in old Vahgipny, an' libbed there moe' on to ninety-eight year, an' I want yd'"ter assis' me little dis mawnin', boss/ef yo' {Ms, sah," " You knaw George Washington? o{ course P" " No, sah, I never seed " What! you lived in Virginia ninety-eight yean and never saw George WasLtagson P" I" Dat am er fao', boss* T» an bon« , ?ile man, an' am too far gone ia dil woti' far to tell a lie. I nebber seed young GeorA o bt}t 1 Lor* sah, his ,po* ole gran'father an gran'* mudder yuse think er pow'fol iright ob in, boss." An old maid in Nashville keeps a pafrofc which swears, and a 'monkey whioh chews tobaooo. She says betwfeen the two shedoeen't , aiiss a husband very much. ' : ]<■ •n* »rl t

An undertaker stood on 'tM'lhtak' #vfbe rim and watched the ezirtioM ol » drotrn* mg man. "Why don't, jo«r: aaked a pi an who tad been *ttraotea to#* cries of the unfortunate. " -Busings before pleasure," Mid the undertaker, as he tiftied quietljaway. ■>« ■ This ie the Wp the rtiii" li '.Chinesei— 7 • r- • Chun may ehun sun mun tool jee futi, 1 ' Day saung do goj chun maytah yun |R

.. Liug aeon ties Uui oliun Chun may t»n loosing tja *ag lipg. ;f „ , An English lady butuiy afcA^ttraction, who wu an ardent of Ireland, crowned her praiaea of it a nartr by sßying— 1 "*1 think I iraataeinVfrft irishwoman" <*CrdM the Cbariftf,iba(iiMle , replied Lover, " andmillroos Witt Npnyla were meant £ex aa Irishman."- *> irTi j He wm losing hit hair. want," eaid the barber, mJ* ran tys frgers tltfough the few remaiiiipg <w.thfl Mjd of a cuitcftner," what yoa wnnu" n iMtde of toy hair restorer" What 1 8 ' Implied the customer, M is a diTOron"" £fiewt* ber eaid no mora. u >nii ><: f 1 wot ▲ My «aa oalled on by ..§ poo* woman, who earnestly aokoitpd -»■ diaf epsary-tiqhei. On the lady Ui(JHM , W| the. ment, the woman replied that she felt Tff bad ill orpr } r for Mr Bun, the Boriptqre reader, fold her yesterday bi I ho# Mw MY* a atony heart it *»f **rtt ntii // '

Mrt Smithion (whdf flabtew htrOtt «po* her youthful■jfpeaaaud*^- 1 " StoatyotagWJ orer thereis my daugbtaJy Hr J•**** you behflTfl itHJpßga,VyK'^# direction) —" Your daughter! lg it possible r f ihoM.M&imHT 4b* 1 wtt#lr'>«^Aer; ,, • Mm Snitbseo»- ,< Nottin'ladjr jwrari ■ Ipm* »r«"'}{ ! « The following it, perhaps <mt«l *!*;#>** laughable,inoadents that erer ocovMwedJn «• ferenca to a Jpcked-uo jury :—A M*Fv batiff hating been queatuioed as ti he had bpbten th +he jurj' durittf tkb' nlgw grately •uiwefyi;' , No#«^:^h)ii < f 6htf)iUp> eaU*ag out brit)gfihemjpbiaty»«b»* IPW fcO you,"