MR. JOHN SMITH'S REVENGE

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1517, 29 January 1886, Page 3

MR. JOHN SMITH'S REVENGE

Two city men were walking along one day, and comparing notes on the incivility that is so ofteu to be met with from public servants of a certain kind.

One of the gentlemen to speak of an " experienceat the Bank of England. " The other day, I went up to town jo get my dividends The clerk at whose I made my application tendel mo the proper documents, as usual, but added, as he did so :

" Wei', is this all you want ?" "\es; thank you," said I, for I have been always a civil-spoken person, I hope whether as clerk or partner. " Much you know about your own affiirs,!' rejoined the official, gruffly. '■ You've got last year's dividends to draw."

" No," said I, " You are mistaken."

"Am I," he returned, contemptuously. " And there's the years before that, too, you wiseacre. What is the good of a fellow like you pretending to do business."

He tossed mo over the other papers, and I filled them up. I was perfectly well aware that the man was wrong ; but the combination of insolence and ignorance in him tickled my fancy. " Well," said I, " I suppose these are all that I am to hare ?"

"W. 11, then, you suppose wrong," sneered the dividend clerk. "Go over to that gentleman at the opposite desk, and tell bim what has happened here and ask him if he has got anything for yoy, Why you're a mere baby." I thought to mywlf i

"If you were in the house of Smith and Co., my young friend, I'd read you a letter about politeness to your master's customern, that you wouldn't forget in a hurry," but I did as I was told without reply. The dividend-clerk, to whom I was referred, regarded me as though I had been a b'acK beetle..

" What's the use of people of your sort coming to a place like this," asked he. " You're from the country, I suppose 1 Why don't you get a lawyer to do your business, and not take up oua time in this ridiculous manner 1 Why, you've got five years' dividends to receive ; you know no more about your own business than an Ojibbeway."

" I don't think I have any back dividends to receive," said I ; " but when I get home I will look at my banker's book."

" Banker's book !'' repeatel the official ; 'you should buy a horn-book first, and study your A. B C." " To cut a long story short, I went back to my hotel with a great deal of money thrust upon me by these good gentlemen of the Bank of England, to which I had no more right than you have; and having referred to my banker'sjbook, just for form's s.ike, although I was quite sure of the fact, wrote to one of the principal officials in Thread-needle-street to let him know what had happened. Conceive my surprise and indignation, sir, at receiving a reply couched in the most insolent terms, and directing me to repair to the at a certain hour the next day, to refund those moneys of which I had improperly possessed myself, I don't think 1 was ever made so angry before in all my life. "I wrote back a reply to let him know who I was, and I also favoured him with my opinion of th* manner in which busitnss matters were conducted at his establishment.

" I concluded by stating that, so far from repairing to the Bauk myself, I should require any person ccncerned in rectifying the stupid mistake to be at my hotel the succeeding day, between the hours of one and two, when I should be at 'unch and at no other time would I receive them.

" Accordingly, the two bunk clerks, with a cab full of dividend books, came to see me luncb, and hear my lecture upon politeness and accuracy : and I hope it did them good." I had not forgotten the particulars of the adventure already described, when I met my friend the other day in the Poultry.

'• Well my dear sir," said I, " I trust that the Bank of Eugland has been putting no slight on you lately." " 1 have not given them the opportunity, sir, since that dividend-day," returned Mr. John Smith, '• but I dares?y they are as ignorant of their business as ever. Well we're close by the place, let u=» try." " Try what?" asked I, aghast, "you have i;ot no dividends to draw."

" Xo, but I've got a five pound note to be changed, i daresay they'll make some 6tupid objection. Come along." We entered the great temple of Mammon, and Mr. Smith tendered his five pound note at the Mahogany altar. Tbe otlieiating flamen gave it one searching scrutiny, and shovelled out the five sovereigns upjn the counter. u I suppose it ia a good one," observed Mr. Smith, quietly. With a swift sweep of his practised fingers, the cleik regained possession of the gold, and regarded us with mir.gled aversion and dismay. What do you mean r'' said he, reexamining the note, and this time with great care.

" 1 suppose it is a good one," observed Mr. Smith.

" Well, I don't see anything the matter with it; but you must put your name on the back."

" Oh, dear, no," returned my friend, decisively ; I should not think of do« ing that. How do you know I can write r'

" On, you can write well enough," said the clerk impatiently. " Come, none of your tricks. If you don't put your name upon it, you shall not have your change !" " My name is upon it," returned Mr. Smith.

" I don't see it, " replied the clerk, holding the note up to the light. " I can see nothing on the back at all." " It's on the front, my good friend : or Bearer,"

"My name's Bearer, h > lar as you are concerned, I shall write nothing else upon that note." " Then you won't get your change," rejoiued the official. " Very good, my friend," returned Mr. Smith, taking out his large gold watch and placing it upon the counter, " I give you ten minutes to make up your mind upon that point. If I do not receive my money by sixteen minutes after two precisely, I bring mv action against your employers, the Governor and Company of the Bank of England. They will have to shew cause why they shall not be declared bankrupts. 1 again tender you this note, issued by them. Do you intend to refuse payment ?"

The bank-clerk murmured something about consulting the.head of bis department, and disappeared within the interior of the building. We remained the centre of an admiring commercial crowd, the majority of whom, I believe, imagined us to be a couple of audacious swindlers. At eleven minutes after two, Mr. Smith addresied a neighbouring clerk i

*' You had better inform jour fellowclerk, young man, that half the time of grace allowed by me to his employers, the Governor and Company of the Bank of England, has now elapsed. In five minutes it will be too late for them to meet this their just engagement." At these awful words the second clerk dived into the same back premises to which the first had already betaken himself.

At 2.15, to a second, the latter returned, with the note in his hand, and{very red in the face. He shovelled out the five sovereigns, with rather unnecessary vehemence, but without one word of comment.

" Thank you," said Mr. Smith courteously. " I thought you would not require my signature. If ever I publish a book about the duties and behaviour of bank-clerks, dedicated to the proprietors of this establishment, I'll send you a presentation copy."