WIT IN COURT.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1516, 22 January 1886, Page 3

WIT IN COURT.

A quick and ready wit is an almost indispensable endowment in a good cross-examining couucil, but the quickert and readiest finds his match.

"Oh, you say this gentleman was about fifty-five," said Canning to a pert young woman in the witneee, boi," and

t suppose, now, you consider yourself to be a pretty good judge of people's ages, eh? Ah, just so. Well, now, how old should vou take me to be ?"

" Judging by your appearance, sir," replied the wituess, " I should take you to be about sixty. By your questions I should suppose you were about sixteen."

Whether counsel bad any more qurstious for this lady is not recorded. " Now," began another learned gentleman rising slowly from among his professional brethren, and looking profound, " now are you prepared to swear that this mare was three years old?"

"Swear?" returned the stableman in the box, " Yes, I'll swear she was" " And pray, sir, upon what authority are you prepared to swear it?" '• What authority ?" echoed the witness.

" Yes, sir, upon what authority ? you are to give an answer, and not repeat my question."

" I don't see as a man can be expected to answer a question before he has had time to turn it over."

" Nothing can be simpler than the question put to you. Upon what authority, I repo.it, do you swear to this animal's age ?'

" On very good authority." " Then why this evasiou ? Why not state it at once.

" Well, if you must have it " " Must have it," interrupted the man of law, " T will have it."

" Well, then, if you must aud will have it," said the ostler, with deliberate gravitv, *' I had it from the mare's own mouth."

" Which way did these stairs run f" was once put to witness who was well known to he rather a wag in his way. "That," he promptly replied, altogether depends upon where you are standing. If you are at the bottom they run up, but if you are at the top they run down." A verv smart, though a very insolent, retort was once made to a magistrate by an impecunious-looking'fellow, upon whom a somewhat heavy tine had been imposed for drunkenness. From the appearance of the culprit everybody in the court probably expected that he would have to po to prison ; but, to the surprise of all, the delinquent displayed a pocket full of money, and sullenly began to count out the araouut of the line, whereupon the magistrate proceeded to remonstra f e with him on his recklessness in going about the streets with such a sum of money about him. It was a wonder, remarked the magistrate that he had not been robbed.

"It's mighty little difference I can see between being robbed in the street and being robbed here." Our friend Pat has, of course, occasionally distinguished himself by his ready wit and humour in the witness-box, as every where else. He was once on trial for some offence or other in New York, when, in answer to the charge against him, he pleaded not guilty. As soon as the jury had taken, their places the district attorney proceeled to call Mr Furkison as a witness.

With the utmost innocence Patrick —so the story is told—turned his face to the judge, and said—" Do I understand, yer honour, that Misther Furkison is to be a witness foreniust me r

" It neerra so," the judge answered drily. " Well, thin, yer honour, I plaid guilty, shure, if your honour plaise, not because I am guilty, for I'm as innocent as a sucking babe, but just on account of saving Misther Furkison's oo wl."

Another native of the Emerald Isle was asked whether he could show any proof that lie was married, and instantly displayed a scar ou his head "about the size of a knob on a fire Bhovel."