HOW TO HAKE A FORTUNE AND BECOME RESPECTABLE.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 784, 19 November 1873, Page 3

HOW TO HAKE A FORTUNE AND BECOME RESPECTABLE.

I Samuel M'Fadden was a watchman in a bank. Ha was jKK>r. but li >uest, and his life was without reproach. The trouMc with him was that he felt he was not appreciated. Hi* salary was only four dollars a weak, and when he ask d to have it raised, the president, cashier, an I board of directors glared at him through jtlieir B|n-oticles, and fro jrned on him, and told him to go out and stop his insu'?nce, when he knew ImsiluiM was dull, ai d the bank could not meet Its expenses now, let alone lavishing one dollar on such a miserable worm as Samuel M'Padden. And then Samuel M'Fadden felt depressed, sad, and the haughty aeon of the president and cashier cut him to the souL Hit would often go out into the side yard, and bow his venerable twenty-four inch head, and weep gallons and gallons of tears over his insignificance, and pray that he might be made worthy of the cashier's and piesident's polite attention. One night a happy thought struck him ; a gleam of light buret upon him, and as he gazed down the dim vista of years, witn his eyes all blinded with joyous tears, he saw himself rich and respected. So Samuel M'Fadden fooled round and got a jimmy, a monkey-wrench, a cross-cut saw, a coldchisel, a drill, and about a ton of gunpowder and nitro-glycerine, and those things. Thai in she dead of the night he went to the fire-proof safe, and after working at it for a while, burst the door and bride into en immortal smash, with sush a perfect success thai there was not enough of that safe left to make a carpet tack. Mr M'Fadden then proceeded to load up with coujmmis, greenbacks, currency, and specie, and to nail the odd change that was laying anywhere, so that he pranced out of the bank with over a million dollars on him. He then retired to an unburnning residence ont of town, and sent word to the detectives where he was. A detective called on him the next day with a soothing note from the cashier. M'Fadden treated it with lofty scorn. Detectives called on him every day with humble notes from the president, cashier, and board of directors. At last the bank officers sot up a magnificent private supper, to which Mr M'Fadden was invited. He came ; and as the bank officers bowed down in the dust before him, he pondered over the bitter put, and his soul was filled with exultation. Before he drove away in his carriage that night, it was all fixed that Mr M'Fadden was to keep, half a million of that money, and be unmolested if he returned the other half. Hie fulfilled his contract like an honest man, but refused with haughty disdain the offer of the cashier to marry his daughter. Mac is now honored aad respected. He moves in the best society; he browses around in purple and fine linen and other good clothes, and enjoys himself first-rate. And often now he takes his infant son on bis knee, and telle him of his early life, and instils holy principles into the child's mind, and shows him now, by industy and perseverance, and frugality and nitro-glycerine, and monkey-wenches, and cross-cut saws, and familiarity with the detective system, even the poor may rise to affluence and responsibility.—Mark Twain.