AMUSING MISPRINTS.

Lyttelton Times, Volume CI, Issue 11885, 8 May 1899, Page 7

AMUSING MISPRINTS.

’ (ByJ. S/U.) I . ,v [Th yAustralasian.) < • the, blunders, of the Press are . just blunders, and nothing more. When ■Dr Johnsoji was, asked by a lady how in the world he came to define “pastern” in-his dictionary as “the knee of a horse,” he frankly answered, “It was ignorance, madam—pure Ignorance.” The printer’s reply to,all complaints is quite as candid. ‘ He tells you that mistakes occur in the bestregulated offices. But the errors I want to talk about exhibit ingenuity rather than ignorance. They possess that subtle coales- . -fence of .incongruity and fitness which-dis-tinguishes* the genuine “ bull ’’ from the mere blunder, so that it is difficult even for the writer whose words are distorted to bo angry with the culprit. The compositor, often gets the blame when ■ it is the reporter or sub-editor who is in fault. When the eloquent Councillor M’Mahonviof Fitzroy, told a fellow councillor that “ Ke was like the Bourbons, who never learnt anything, and never forgot anything,” do you mean to tell me that the compositor waanot “ following copy,” when he set it up—“he was like the boobongs ?” . It was pronounced “ boobongs: it was written ‘‘-boobongs;” and it appeared “ boobongs.” As well might you say that the printer was to blame when Baron. Dowse, an Irish judge, lately deceased, declared - . that “ the resident magistrates could, no more state a case than they could write a Greek ode;” and it was rendered—“ than ride a - Greek goat.” . One of the most unhappy alterations I ever saw in a newspaper was made by the sub-editor. In some topical Verses on railway matters the words “five-foot-four gauge” were made to rhyme with “mortgage” It occurred to the careful “ sub.” that the poet was Mistaken about the exact width of the metals,, and be straightway changed it, to “ five-foot-three gauge.” THU RHYME WAS LEFT TO TAKE CABE ’ ; OF ITSELF. Contractions, of which the busy journalist of to-day is very fond, are a fertile source of trouble to the printer. _ . The ■ “ Athenaeum ” some yyavs ago contained' an advertisement for ah editor for a provincial newspaper, insisting that he must be a writer “ of, thoroughly liberal prices. It turned out that the advertiser, had .written “ princs ” as an abbreviation for “principles.”: In the debate on the Divorce Bill in the Victorian Assembly-Mr Shiels was reported - : to have said, Thb, Almighty God looks down from His far-off height of asceticism.” The personage really mentioned was the Attorney-General, but as the letters “A.G.”were all that the compositor had to guide him, he could scarcely be blamed, ■ On a recent occasion the same . honourable member, in discussing the franchise, gave expression to • the view that every “ unit ” in the community should have a vote. In the report he was made to * say 'that “ every lunatic in the community should have a vote.” But it was the reporter who scored that time. , It , is surprising what a difference the alteration or omission of a single letter will ‘ sometimes make. . The substitution of a “b”, for. a “g” was responsible not long ago'-for the announcement that the Cerberus was about to go down .the bay to afford the men some “bun” practice. In the recently published prospectus of a West. Australian “wild-cat” company, truth was made triumphant by the changing of an “h ” into an “n,” so that one line read, , “ Capital, £IOO,OOO, in 100,000 snares of £1 each. But it was beyond a joke when an English .Compositor. caused his paper to ■ make the announcement in its announcement column that the wife or Lieutenant So-and-so bad given birth to a 4t sow 1 9 Herbert Spencer once wrote that “whales are not fishes because they possess fans and a fish-like tail.” The printer put a comma after “fishes,” - and then it- was made to appear that the reason why whales axe not fishes is tKairthey possess fins and : a -fish-like tail —the ■ fact being, of course; that fins and tail are their only points of resemblance to fishes. Sometimes the a comma does all the mischief, -as in the case of the Dublin preacher who made to say, in a sermon bn the evils of intemperance, “It was only last Sunday that a young girl fell from one of the benches of this church while I was preaching in a beastly state of intoxication.” , DISASTROUS EFFECT was produced by the insertion of a fullstop where it was not wanted in the description by a Washington reporter of the costumes at a President’s reception. He intended to say, “ Mrs Brown wore nothing that was remarkable,” and the printer made it, “Mrs Brown wore nothing. Tha* , was remarkable.” ‘ So, ■ in the toast, "Womaitt—without her, man would be a savage,” the transposition of a comma made it read, “Woman, without her man, would Jie a savage.” A few weeks ago I came *cross ati advertisement beginning : “ C - wid- Co., invite their old customers to call 1 ind get shot.” This seemed a drastic way H dealing with old customers, even if their t , j f,.. , . •<< i, ;

bills were of long standing, but then there came the words, “ arms and ammunition,” and I saw it was only ah ironmonger’s curious,way .of- expressing,himself. ,_ ; “Bad copy” is the bane of the printers life. Some of the most grotesquely amusing mistakes arise through illegible - writing. Tennyson describes a lady’s handwriting as— ■ , “Such a - hand as when a field of com Bows all its ears before the'roaring east.” Whenever I read these lines I think, by way of contrast, of the “copy” turned out, by Mr.M. a well-known Melbourne journalist. Instead of sloping gracefully in one direction, his letters stand each “ on its own,” swaying this way and that, until; when the page is finished, It looks aS though an earthquake had passed beneath. Yet M,’s “ copy ” is not, difficult to: read—when you get used to it. Only one funny mistake lingers in my memory. It was during the Yarra floods of. 1891. M. had written, “ The omnipresent boy sat on the. railings of the - bridge, and, with the coolness characteristic of the Australian youth, surveyed the waste of waters.” When the article appeared he found that“the omnipresent boy” had become “ the Omnipotent Being!” My own “ copy ” was generally praised by the printer for its legibility, but once it was misread. It was in the report ,of a lecture on “ Biology ” at Ormond College. .Mr D. M’Alpine quoted some lines from Oliver Wendell - Homes, and alluded to him as the poet-anatomist,” ; - It came out in the paper “the poet and tourist.” The printer is not always strong in classical knowledge. In an eminent weekly journal, which shall be nameless, I read a reference to the saying of Thermstocks, that he could not play the flute,-but be could make of a small place a great city.” My first thought was that “Thermstocks” must be some old Dutchman, but then I remembered that the same story was told of Themistocles, the great Athenian general, and « T he -mystery was solved.

In America, the .funniest yams about “bad copy” are told of Horace Greeley, whose “ fist ” is said to have been atrocious. In Australia we have two writers at least , who would not come far behind the . old New York editor in point of illegibility. One is a talented Sydney journalist, whose modesty alone prevents him from enjoying the fame he deserves. Part of his work is to write sketches of Parliament. On ope occasion he intended to write, “The House went into* committee,” and it Came out in the proof, “The horse went into -the circus.” Referring to a point of order, he wished to say that “ the hoh member relied greatly on May.” The. printer, who had never heard of'the great authority on Parliamentary practice, made the sentence head, “relied greatly on Mary.” Melbourne possesses the champion bad ' penman. He is one- of the very ablest journalists in Australia, but his handwriting .beggars description. Nothing but a fae-simile could do justice to it. Occasionally he loses a leading article out of his tail pocket, but that does not worry Hm. He knows that it can only be read in one office. Once. he wrote in a leading article that something or other “ merged into an harmonious whole,” and it was set up, “surged like a Norwegian whale.” When the first All England Eleven visited Australia, he wrote that through Some mischance the team would lose the services of its slow bowler. ..The printer made it, “ would lose the services of its steam boiler.” The most awful misprint I ever saw in a newspaper appeared in the “ Sydney Morning Herald ” in its obituary notice of Tennyson. ■The writer quoted the lines from “ Crossing the Bar,” in which the poet expresses the hope that there might be “no, moaning at the bar” when he “put out to sea.” But such a tide as moving seems asleep. Too full for sound and foam; When that which drew from out the boundless deep Turns again home.” Of the first two lines of this verse it has been. said that “never in all his life did Tennyson show a ihore magical instance of his descriptive skill.” What, then, must have been the feelings of the Sydney writer when he looked at his article and found the line printed- “ But such a tide as snoring seems asleep!” Notice the ingenuity of the compositor in some of these misprints. There are two or uwee cardinal principles which the printer goes. upon. Nothing is more unsightly, he thinks, than to leave a blank, so if ho is not siire of a word he, at all events, “ makes a shot at it.”. He next tries his best to “ make the thing read.” He will not deliberately set up what is manifestly nonsense, if he can help it. Some degree of plausibility there must be, and, having started on a particular phrase, association of ideas does the. rest. Hence we get such gems as “the horse w©nt into the circus,” “ surged like a Norwegian whale,” and “snoring seems asleep.” What more natural connection of ideas could thete be than that between sleeping and snoring ? It was during the land boom in Melbourne that

my friend M. wrote of “ Endymion dreaming of Luna on the hills of Latmos.” The compositor showed where his thoughts were by making it “ dreaming of land.”

By far the most remarkable instance I can remember' of-', the printer’s efforts to secure some sequence of idea occurred a session or two ago,in “ Above the Speaker.” Mr Theodore Fink, in the Assembly, made the happy allusion (which you will also find in Lord Brougham) to the boast of the Emperor Augustus, that he found Rome of brick and left it marble. “ Timotheus ” praised the speech, and quoted the allusion to Augustus, only to find next day that the .printer had made Mr Fink say that Augustus “ found Rome brisk and left her miserable.-”, ■ ■ - ' ■ ■■■■■-■

This specimen is well matched by an instance given by Richard Proctor, . the astronomer. In a little book on spectroscopic analysis, he wrote the words, “ lines, bands, and strife in the violet part of the spectra,” and they • were ■ printed “ links, bonds and stripes for the violent kind of spectres.” If I remember aright, that V BRILLIANT PIECE OP INGENTTITT did ' not get beyond the “ proof. ” Leigh Hunt wrote that he had a liking for coffee, because it always reminded - him of the “ Arabian Nights,” though not mentioned there, adding, “as smoking does for the same reason.” When he got the “proof” he found that the printer had made it, 'as sucking does for the snow season.” “I could not find it in my heart,” he said,' “ to correct the mistake,” and so the sentence stands as a theme for the speculations of commentators.

I dare say you have noticed that the daily papers print each day a poster, in which the leading contents of the issue are indicated. The work of compiling this “ contents bill ” is not the least important part of the functions of the night sub-editor, but equally important—in his own estimation —is the task'of the printer who “sets it up.” Now, it happened not long ago that one of the features of a Saturday’s paper was an article by Mr Albert Vandam, a well-known London writer, entitled " Spain with the Glare Off.” It was lucky that the sub-editor saw the “proof” of that day's poster before it was printed off, for,there, in the boldest - type, were the lines—

“SPARRING WITH, THE GLOVES OFF,” “By Albert Vandam.” The printer explained that he had only tried to make the blessed thing read. *