Humour

Lake County Press, Issue 2790, 19 June 1919, Page 2

Humour

!"The baby is wonderfully like it& mother, Mr. Meeker." /'Yes, they both have such a commanding air about them that I don't dare refuse them anything." "Did you make the bread, dearie?" i "Yes, love." "Well, I'd rather you ( didn't do any more work like this, dear- | est." "Why not, sweetheart?" "It's | too heavy, angel." j One half of the bread now being ; eaten in Austria is said to be mado 'uf flour mixed with sand. Curious, in . that case that the Austrian soldiers !_ don't show more evidence of "grit." i The Professor: "Do things grow ■rapidly in your part of the country?"- | Young Housekeeper: "I should say j they do! When I order lamb from the 1 butcher it always grows into mutton j on the way home." He: "See that man over there? He is a bombastic ass, a windjammer nonentity, a false alarm, and an encumbrance of the earth!" She: "Would vou mind writing all that down for me?" "Why in the world- " "Re's my husband, and I should like to use it on him some time." MIGHT BE MORE DIFFICULT NOW. Ambitious Politician: "I don't think I'll have a bit of trouble in getting returned again. Look how easily I was elected last year, when the people hardly knew me at all." Trusty Henchman: "But that's the whole trouble. The people—h'm—know you now." AT A COUNTRY MEETING. Speaker: "Oh, my friends, it makes me sad when I think of the days that ire gone, when I look around and miss the old familiar faces I used to shake lands with." POSITIVELY BRUTAL. "I wish I were a book," remarked he neglected wife of the learned pressor,' "then perhaps you would pay ome attention to me." "Ah!" exclaimed the professor "if ou were,only an almanac I could exhauge you every year." WHAT CONSCIENCE IS. Teacher: "What is the conscience?" Little James: "It's wot makes you wry w'en you gits found out."

i, CRUSHING THE FOREMAN. If j A short time ago a boy just from a / school started work in a factory. Being 1 late three successive mornings, he was ! discharged. The following morning the i foreman was greatly surprised to find j the boy at work, and, going to him, I said: "I thought I told vou not to come back." ! "Yes," replied the boy, and don t i you do it again. I got a jolly good hid- ! ing when I told father." I THE TIPPLER'S DILEMMA. A short time ago a man went home the worse for drink. On arriving at his house he tried to unlock the door, but could not get the supposed key into.the lock. A man who happened to be passing at the time noticed him fumbling at *fee door and asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Why, trying to unlock the door; I want to "et in." "Why, man," said the other, "do you know you are trying to unlock it ivith a cigarette?" "Am I?" said the staggery one.