Humour

Lake County Press, Issue 2788, 5 June 1919, Page 2

Humour

! Sunday School Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me what caused the Flood?" . Johnny: "Yes, ma'am; rain. "One thing I like about our new man," said a member of the firm to ~I his partner, "is that he's reliable. You can always tell what he is going to do next." "And what is that?" "Nothing." . A father ruefully gazed on his last shilling. "Money has wings, and house-rents make it fly," he bemoaned. "Yes," said his fifteen-year-old son; "and some houses have wings, for 1 have seen many a house-fly." "You're smarter than your old dad, maybe, my son; but I always thought that no part of a house except the chimney flue!" At the burning of a provision shop, the crowd helped themselves freely. One man grasped a huge cheese as his share of the plunder. itising up with it, he found himself face to face with a policeman, and with admirable presence of mind put the plunder into the officer's arms, Baying, "You had better take care of that, policeman, or someone will be walking off with it." "HAPPY MAN." The chemist was rather surprised when a regular customer popped his head in the door, and, nodding approvingly, said, with a chuckle, 1 wish 1 could say the same." The chemist was mystified, but smilea back benignly. Then someone else called out to him, "You've got rid of your care. Happy man!" And for some time a fusdade of "I agree with you, old manl "Quite right, too." "Ah, you know the value of them!" and the like laconic observations went on until the bewildered chemist at last rushed madly out of his shop and, seizing one of his persecutors, demanded to know what it all meant. . M . The captive said nothing, but smiling grimly he pointed up to the shop front, where the legend ran—"Prescriptions dispensed with." Some mischievous youngsters had painted out the concluding word, "care." » COT BOTH. "What do you want?" demanded Mr. Sewlywed, as he confronted the trampit the door of his week-end cottage in he country. "Breakfast or work?" "Both, sir," replied the tramp. "H'm!" said Mr. Newlywed, and disppeared momentarily into the house. >reseutly he returned carrying a large iece of his wife's home-made bread. Then eat that," he exclaimed, savgely; "and you'll have both." THE REWARD OF PATIENCE. A sailor, in describing his first efforts , become nautical, said that just at ie close of a dark night he was sent oft to see if there was a light near. s he was no great favourite with e lieutenant he was not hailed tor me hours. . . , "Aloft there?" at length was heard om the lieutenant. "Aye, aye, sir. "Do you see a light i* "Yes, sir." "What light?" "Daylight, by Jingo I"