Humour

Lake County Press, Issue 2635, 8 June 1916, Page 7

Humour

An Artless Question. Last Christmas young Mr. Biggs, who has a sneaking regard for the daughter of old Griggs, was invited to a party at his inamorata's house. The drawing- . room was full of guests, and the young man, wishing to create a good impression took the young lady's little brother, aged six, on his knee. At that moment there happened to be a lull in the conversation, and the young fellow was horrified to hear the youngster exclaim m in a voice which could be heard all over the room: "I. say, Mr. Briggs, am I as heavy as sister?" Excusable. A rather good story is told of a creditor who called to see his debtor, whom he found busy car'v- • ing the Christmas turkey. "Well, sir," said the visitor, "are you going to pay me soon?" "I wish I could, my dear sin, and it is not my fault if I cannot; but it is impossible. I am drained completely dry —ruined; I haven't a shilling to bless myself with!" "Allow me, sir, to remark, that when people cannot pay their debts it is not usual for them to . cat turkeys as you are doing." "Alas! my dear sir," said the debtor, in faltering accents, and lifting the serviette to his eyes, "I could not afford its keep." CONUNDRUMS. What odd number when beheaded comes out even?— Seven. What enlightens the world though dark itself ?—lnk. Why is "a" like \2 o'clock noon?— Because it is the middle 1 of day. I When is coffee like the soil?— When it is ground. ! Why didn't the ancients use 1 slates and pencil,?--Because they had been commanded to multiply on the face of the earth, ' Why is the business of au oculist a good occupation?— Because there is plenty of money m sight, i ' Which is the most moral of all [ lusical instruments?—An upight piano. . .. j.:-': _ j Why did Adam bite the apple | Eve gave him?— Because he had I no knife. Why is a beehive like a barf ' potato?— Because .a bee-hive is a bee holder, a beholder is a spec- | tator, and a specked 'tater is -a \ bad potato. What are the most unsociable ! things in the world?— Milestones, because you never see two of them together. Those who have met me not do not wish for me; those who have me do not wish to lose me; those who gain me have me no longer.— A lawsuit.