Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2460, 9 January 1913, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

She (at the piano)— How do you enjoy this refrain? He—Very much. The more you refrain the better I like

Young Man—May 1 . have your daughter, sir? Oid Gent—Yes, if you can support her. Remember that my car goes with her.

I smoke nothing but a pipe now. Practising economy? No; but the fellows who used to treat me to. cigars apparently are.

She—l see by this paper that the average person speaks 12,000 words a day. He--Yes; but you're above the average person, dear.

Are you still looking for your do£? Yes. Why don't you put an ad. in the paper : J 'What's the use? The dog can't read.

Do you speak several languages, father? No, my son, replied Mr. Henpeck, gazing sadly at his wife; but I do know tho mother tongue.

Patience —When 1 was young I had at least fifty offers for my hand. Practice—Those were what you might call your palmy days, I suppose?

Mrs. Henpecke--John, why are you reading the marriage notices? Mr. Henpecke-—I just want to see if there isn't somebody married I won't like.

Friend—Was your play much 1 of a success? Author—Success! Why, the women wept so that most of them went home with their true complexions.

Mother (crossly)— Freddie, havea't I told you that you must not talk when I am talking? Freddie—But, mamma, you won't let me stay up after you go to bed!

Pretty Miss—ls this the licence bureau, please? Clerk —Yes, ma'am. Pretty Miss—Well, I've just finished my first book of poems and I want to take out a pontic licence—how much will it be?

Guest (timorously on being presented with exorbitant bill)— Don't you think this is just the— er—least bit exorbitant? Landlord (blandly)—Oh, yes; just the least-bit, not very much.

A man staying at a hotel asked the person noxt" to him if he would please pass the mustard. Sir, said the other, do you mistake .me for a waiter? Oli, no, sir, was the immediate reply, I only mstook you for a gentleman. '

What is that noise asked the presiding Judge, when a witness's voice was nearly drowned by a rasping uproar outside the Court. Your honour, said tho counsel for the defendant, I chink it is the plaintiff filing affidavits. - * AN EXPERT. A traveller, recently returned from India, was relating his impressions. "What a country that is!" he exclaimed. "There everybody keeps dozens of servants. I had four whose sole business was to look after my pipe. One brought i$ to me, -another filled it, a third limited it for me " "And the fourth?" "The fourth smoked it for me! Tobacco never with me."