Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2392, 7 September 1911, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

The One —“1 married at the age of twenty-one. It was a case of ‘marry in haste and repent at leisure.’ ” The Other —“I didn’t marry until I was forty and it was a case of ‘marry at leisure and repent in haste.’ ”

Co poem—-“I hear you are to wed Colonel Swinger, Mrs. Grasse. He’s a noble fellow, every inch a soldier, born to command.” Widow Grasse —“ll’m. We’ll see about that, Mr. Coppem—we’ll see about that.”

The Manager—“l’ve got a new idea for a melodrama that ought to make a hit.” The writer—“ What is it?” The Manager—“ The idea is to introduce a cyclone into the first act that will kill all the actors.”

Uncle Reuben —“Farmer Wheatley’s boy is home from collcrc. He tells me his education is finished.” Uncle Hiram —“His eddication can’t amount to much.” “Why not?” “If it did he wouldn't think it was finished.”

Father Doolan (to Irish turf-carter, half-tinsy at midday)—“ Pat. Pat. this will never do. You must really aro and take the pledge at once.” Pat —-“ Thin, bedad, yir rivcrince, I will require to part wid mi auld pony, for not a fut will he stir past a public house until I go in. - ’

Cvnic —"She knows his footsteps a mile off. in the midst of a hundred others secs him coming from the corner of her eve. pats her hair and smoothes her dress, and jumps a foot with surprise when he ascends the front door steps.” Clinic —“Who?” Cynic--“All of ’em!” fimrnie. aged three years—“Muvver. I've got some beans.” Mother “You must not eft! them, dear.” A lew davs later mother, being annoyed with (imnrie for being naughty, said —“I'll wive vou ‘beans’ if you do that again.” limm —y —“Vou told me I must not eat beans, Muvver.”

“You look sweet enough to kiss,” aid the impressed man. “So many ;entlemen tell me that,” coylv anwered the fair girl. “Ah! That hould make vou happy.” “But they rerelv sav that,” she replied. “They lerclv tell me the facts of the case, nd never prove their statements.” Two neighbours had a long litigaicn about a small spring', which they oth claimed. The judge, wearied ut with the case, at last said:—

“What is the use of making so much fu-s about a little water?” Your honour will see the the serious nature of the case.” replied one of the lawvers. “when I inform vou that the parties arc both milkmen.”