HUMOUR.

Lake County Press, Issue 2158, 28 February 1907, Page 7

HUMOUR.

Anybody can be good and yet good for nothing.—Ram’s Horn.

Some people aim so high that their arrows cut nothing but the air. This would bo a much better world if more people would take their own advice. — Dallas News.

Of all the things in the world that are ‘ better late than never’ going to bed certainly ranks first. After a man parses forty ho can help his children most by saving up money to care for himself in his old age.—Atchison Globe. Behind the Scenes.—First Judge : Breach of promise still running':'—Second Judge: Going wonderfully. No standing room. What are you doing ?—First Judire: A building contract. Wietched business; not a soul iu the place !

Dick—Congratulate me, ray dear boy ! Miss Diamond has accepted me ! Bob— You don’t say so ! But, eomo to think of it, it isu’t so strange, after all. She lias always declared that men arc all alike.—Boston Transcript. Wanted a legitimate Occupation—Magistrate—Why did you enter that man’s house and rob Lis safe? Prisoner—Please your Honor, I was only trying to raise a little money to buy meself a position on the police foorce! - Pack.

‘lt must be pretty hard work pounding the pavement with that great rammer,’ said tho idler. ‘ Sure,’said Mr. Grogan, ‘it is not tho droppin’ av the thing on the shtones is the har-rd wor-rk at all. It is the liftin’ av it up.’—lndianapolis Journal.

Political Wisdom —‘Things is cettiu’ mighty mixed, Mundy,’ said Farmer Comtossel; ‘mighty mixed.’ ‘What’s tho matter ?’ The politicians air all try-in* ter toll the farmers about farmin’ an’ the fanners air tryin’ tor tell tho politicians übout politics.’—V ashingtou Star,

Friend— ‘ Why did your temperance society dmolmreo the Terrible Example.' Rev. Mr. Cold water —‘ Ho was continually referring to the seductions of a particular brand of beer to which be attributed bis ruin; and we found he was being paid to advertise it.’

‘ I believe I’ve lost my wits,’ said a worried husband ts bis wile. ‘lndeed? I didn’t know you bad any to lose,' she answered sarcastically. ‘ Ob, yet dear, I bad some once.’ ‘ Well, I never observed them.’ ‘ No, love. T Inst them just before I met you.’ He didn’t want to say it, but she drove him to it.

Security—A. five-ycar-oltl girl bad been attending Sunday school for several weeks, learning weekly to repeat the golden texts. A few days ago her mother bad occasion to administer a severe reproof, when the little one looked up undismayed, and slowly and calmly observed, ‘ The Lord is on my side : I will not fear.’ It was her golden text of the Sunday previous.—Boston Herald.

Composer: ‘ I have bore a song that I think will recommend itself to the musical critics ’ Publisher : ‘ Musical critics ! Oh, no. If it pleases the oiiioe boys, it's a go; if not, nor. Wo know our public, sir !’

Contributor—‘ Pretty p 'em, is \’t itf’ Magazine editor—‘Yet, very'; but we can’t publish it/ Contributor—‘ Why no’ ?’ Magazine editor—‘ VTh •*, anybody enn tell at the first reading pre -ise.y wha , it morns.’ * Hullo, Provo, what’s wrong wvh you !’ * Oh, I feel ve y secr.y : feel as if IV got one foot in the srave, ant. ’ ‘Well, you’ll have to get the cemetery enlarged before you get them both in.’....