ME AN' EDWARD VII.

Lake County Press, Issue 980, 19 September 1901, Page 2

ME AN' EDWARD VII.

We haint nivur met es yit, but thot's not the loss of Bantry M'Birr. An' it's the new King's fault, too, fur me name an' addriss air in ivry direktury, an' he kud foind bis way acrosst the os'hun pond mutch aisier thon Oi, wot wud hav ter wurk me passage ovur, an' thin walk ter London besoids. Faix, an' kant King Ned kum an' go whin he "lazes, wid nivur a sowl, barrin' 'Loxandry, ter diktate ur hindur ! But they tell me he's a short mon, ruthur saw'd off at the top, an' so he may shtand a troiful in awe ov his tall han'sum woife.

He's bin a Prince ov gud fellers fur years, an' me an' him moight mak the bist ov frends, though we'd dift'ur a dale in sum things, an' hav' mony quare points ov reBimblinee. Edward Foive-an'-Two-Oyes has got the aisest job on uirth, whoile it's mesilf es is out ov a gud job half the toime. He's got gobs ov foine clothes, whoile Oi don't happin ter hav a dacint koat ter me busy back, at presint wroitin'. He sinds strings ov splendid horses off ter win races, but Oi kant git a pape at the races here twoict a year. He lies half a duzen grond paliees fur livin' in. an' Oi hav' es mony kastiLs in Spain ter offset thim. We're es loike es twin peas in uthur things, too. Oi've read thot Edward will spind the summer at Frogmorc, an' fur 3dol per day Oi kan summer whar thar's more frogs tliin Oi kud kotch. He's got a healthy family ov childern an' grandchilden, but forty' years hince Oi'll hav the same, the niesnls". mumps, an' hoopin' coif parmittin'. He lies a Quane fur a woife, but Miss Mally Downpatriek. wot Oi hope wull be Mrs Xl'Birr by Kristmus nixt. is jist es mutch ov a quane in her proud, swate way. He's bin lift: a bundrid fortunes by his gud ould muthur. whoile Oi'm tiyin' ter am wun fur moine. The King's grate on goff an' the links, but the only links thot Oi ivur see air the links ov sausage in the butcher shops. He's got a throne ter set on, but it ain't a speck more kumfurtabul thin me fathur's ould grane rockur, thot wuz 'mportid strate hum County Down. His loife's bein' writtin up by min wot thinks it wull mak thim famus," an' me own loife haint wurtli wroitin' atall. atall. He's got a neck scarf nam'd fur him, an' thot's lionur anuff in this kuntry. His hull bed wull be on the new English post-stamp, but Oi kan buv hundrids ov thim, ef Oi hav the spondu'liks. " He's a King fur Ireland." sex Oi ter me swatehart Mally's grandfathur, ould Sligo Downpatriek. the night ov the day Edward furst set fufc on the Throne. " An' tliimk ov the korynashun we'll be bavin' wun ov these foine days !"

Misther Sligo, who lies a peppery timper, an' hates Brittins an' ivrything British, jest es he duz the itch an' smallpox, klapt in his false teeth, guv his galluses a hitch, spit on both hands, an' thin started in fur a wurdy war. "A king fur Ireland, did yer say? Thot remains ter be seen, es the mon sedter his fut-print! Misther Prince-ov-Doltins may nivur be korynatid ! Begorra, an' why shud he be? Haint England kapabul ov rulin' hersilf. the same es Ameriky? Ain't she. Bantry M'Birr?" " Yis." Oi assinted, " but the paple luv Royalty, an' air bound ter hav it. ter the hid ov toime." "Who's Edward VII.?" axt grandfather Downpatrick. " The biggest mon in Eurup ter day," ansor'd C)i. wid a. wink at Mally. who wuz stitchin' by the winoy. "Don't argu wid him." she whispered. "He burnt his mouth wid hot soup at supper, an" he's bin spoilin' fur a foight wid sumbuddv ivur since." "Who's Kdward VII.?" he demanded again. "Wot is he but the oldist son ov Victory? Ony uther sprig- ov nobil'ty wud do es well! Thai's a plinty ov hansummer min !" "Yis." Oi nodded: "Oi'm wun mesilf." "But who air you. Bantry M'Birr?" "Me farthur's vuivist," retorts Oi, kumposidly. "An' Edward VII. is all rigid. fur he's got a boat kall'd Shamrock II." But grandfathur Downpatrick shuk his kontrarv bed with a scowl. "Thot's ter fool ther Trish ! Don'l yc biid on any sich doin's ! Ireland must hav' her liberty! She wull hav' il !" " Yis.' 'sez Oi. "ef we hav' ter go back an' foight fur it." But "Misther Downpatrick is only brave wid his tung, an' so he didn't secund me propysishun. Me oyes wor h'xt on Mally. fur she's got a face swaie anuti' ter be stared at by the hour, an' Oi nivur miss me chance. Shure an' King Edward an' all his court wud be pla/.ed wid it. But nivur ;i wun ov the Downpatricks air pla/.ed wid mesilf. "Bantry M'Birr." scd the ould mon, "why don't ver start for South Afriky. an' hilp the Boers foight fur liberty?" "15eka.se Oi'm naded in Noo York. An' me iiitfurnashunal frendship ain't, extindin' thot fur. Misther Downpatrick. Oi'd rutheur foight fur King Edwnrd ony day." " Ve wud?" "Ony day manes no day—ginerilly.*' "Hut ye're on this new King's soide '." " Narv." se/ Oi ; " Oi'm on this soide —ov the oshun." (The last three worruds undur me breth.i An' Mally liurd. an' smoiled. Ould Sligo swung round an' faced mo. " Yc've got a Inikit ov wather on both shouldirs, M'Birr. an' ye'd karry anuthur fur Mallv thar, ef yc kud!" "Ov coor.se." sez Oi: "the ladies shudu't be sloighted." " Rut ve're ;i two-faced gossoon !" " The ' mon uv ler-day nades a duzen faces." "Thar wuz nivur a mon loikc thot m the Downpatrick fam'h- '" " Hut thar may he wun yit." sez Oi, unblushin'. "Ye think thot ve'll marry me grandartur. lianfrv M'Birr! Shure an' haint Oi got utlmr plans made fur her futur? Shell wed wid niuiiiiv, or not atall!' "Oi think a."dale ov Miss Mally. Misther Downpatrick." " Ye kant hav' her. not ef Edward Juninilf komnianded it. Oi'm no moil's mon. not aven the King's!" He guv his pipe a iling thot kivitr'd tlie cat will ashes an' suit lutzsimmuns. the dog, tlvin' through the windy. Mally sprung up in a froight, an' klung ter me arrum. whoile we both wundur'd what wuz kumhf nixt. "Git. out ov me Hat, wid yer baksass 'bout Kdward the Sivinth, an' Wot not." lie croid. "An" shtay out furivur- -d've hear thot ?"

" Yis, ; ' sen Oi, wid a luff, " the M'Birrs all hav' two ears apiece an' " " Hush!" sed Mally, opnin' the dure. " Things tliot folks may be sorry fur slmd nivur lie shpoken atall." "An' Mist her Sligo Downpatrick is a jintlemon at hart." ses Oi. wid (he how ov a Chisturn'eld. " It's me want ov mutiny tliot always riles him an' maks him riddy ter foight. The Downpatricks an' M'Birrs wor fronds fur a sinshurry in Ireland. Oi'm told." "(lit out wid ycr blarney!" sed the mild mon, puttiu' on his coat an' pertendin' not ter see the siiuazo Oi guv ter Mally's purty whoite hand, es we parted fur a noight an' a day. at the top ov the stair. An' whin Oi reach! the fut Oi shoutid hack: "Kali fur Kdward the Sivintli !" Hut Oi didn't wail a, seekund fur the bootjack t-hol came luniblin' aflhor. Me absiuee iviiz a dale hether "thon me kumpnny.—Mrs Findley Braden, in ' Leslie's Weekly.' The Report.—Club Mcnibnr: "What sort of a. looking man is her I '' The. New Boy: " He didn't, say, sir." " Please excuse William from school today," wrote the boy's mother to tue teacher, "as lie sat. up late lust night studying his lessons, and is too sleepy to come to-day."