It Was Never Told.

Lake County Press, Issue 905, 5 April 1900, Page 2

It Was Never Told.

Six or eight of ns had lighted our cigars in the smoking car when a man whom anybody would have sized up as an eastern drummer began to cackle and chuckle, and finally exclaimed : “I think it was the funniest thing I ever heard in all my life—ha. ha. ha !”

“Sir, are you a drummer?” inquired an oldish man with reddish-gray hair, who sat in front of him.

“ Yes.” “ Drummer from New York ?” “ Yes.”

“ And you want to tell us a funny story, eh ?” “ I do. It’s the funniest story I ever heard related, and too good to keep.”

“ Well. sir. I’ve a word to say to you,” continued the old man. “ I like fun myself. Up to a year ago I was always on the grin. If anything tickled me, I’d laugh till I fell down from weakness. I once laughed thirteen hours without a break at a story a drummer told me. I brought on heart disease from laughing, and tlie doctors have warned me to be very careful. This story is mighty funny, is it ?’’ “ It is, sir." “ Got a roaring old climax to it ?” “ Yes.” “ Pretty certain to convulse the audience, I suppose ?” “ I’ll warrant it to.”

“ Then please excuse me, and I’ll go ■into the next car for a few minutes. I’m certain it’s a funny story. I know you’ll tell it in such a way that I shall have to bust right out in spite of all I can do. If I bust. I’m a goner. I want to hear the story mighty had. but I also want to live as long as I can. Just excuse me.”

He picked up his grip :md left the car, and the dm in titer's smile faded away, and he pulled out a newspaper and began to read. Somehow we didn't like to ask for the story, and somehow he didn't seem to care about telling it. By-and-by 1 went into the other car and found the old man, and asked : “ Were yon really honest in what yon said about your heart ?” “ fi'ell. no,” he replied. “ What was your object ?” ” Simply to stop his yarn. I'm travelling in the same line of goods for a Chicago house, and 1 wanted to hurt his feelings as much as I could.” —“ M. Quad.”

' A small electric lamp is being- used instead if a boll in some telephone exchanges. The call for connection lights the lamD. The three black gowns—priest, lawyer, and doctor—are proverbially classed together ; one stanches the wounds of the soul, another those of the purse, and the third those of the body. They represent society in its three chief aspects of existence—conscience, property, pel health.