ENCOURAGEMENT

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXVI, Issue 3442, 12 March 1932, Page 3 (Supplement)

ENCOURAGEMENT

MEANS MUCH TO THE YOUNG. There are some people who have the idea that to encourage anyone is to make him bumptious and conceited. They put this idea into practice on their children, with disastrous results. What a difference it would make if a little judicious encouragement were meted out here and there to warm their young hearts and spur them on to greater efforts. Children are much more impressionable than grown-ups. They are more easily elated, and more easily cast down. They have, also, not the same sense of proportion as the adult. They cannot take troubles philosophically, and realise that the worries of to-day will be forgotten to-mor-row. They find it impossible to see any benefit in adversity. When they are unhappy, everything looks black. The world is all dark or all light to them. They know nothing of the adult’s half-tonings of grey and twilight. For them there is no compensation —for the time being. All your Johnnie knows is that he is forbidden to go to the cricket match when he has set his whole heart upon it. He becomes for a time completely and utterly miserable. The troubles of vouth are short-lived, but wh.de they last they are more vivid and more real than any we adults know. NO. COMPENSATIONS.

If you or I were prevented from going for a keenly-anticipated outing we could comfort ourselves with such thoughts as:— . , , “ Well, anyway, 1 11 be able to do that sewing I’ve been trying to find time for for so long or—- “ I’m saving five or ten shillings by not going, so I’ll be able to do something useful with that during the week or— . “ It’s going to be a horrid day, anyway. I’ll probably enjoy it more if I wait till next time. The weather may be perfect then.” Youth, however, does not look to the future. It is, therefore, unkind, to say the least, to quench even one tiny spark of childhood’s joy through lack of a kind word of encouragement, when it is earned, through a silly fear of making the object of it conceited.

Everyone likes to be encouraged—in fact, many of us go so far as to accept that pseudo-encouragement — flattery—which is not what I mean at all. Flattery has a thoroughly destructive influence; encouragement a thoroughly constructive one. Encouragement is sincere praise, given where it has been earned. Flattery is insincere praise, given where It has not been earned. It is because they confuse these two that many parents—and not only parents, but school teachers and employers—let children and young persons starve, lose enthusiasm, and fail, all for the want of a word of encouragement that would have cheered the recipient on to still greater efforts. Everyone of us knows how inspiring and helpful it is to hear someone say—and mean it: “You have done well ”

Many homes are simply dens of criticism and fault-finding. Mothers criticise and belittle their daughters; fathers profess to be appalled at the way their sons fall below the standard set them when they were boys; brothers and sisters pull each other to pieces; and the result is a crop of defiant rebellion or bad inferiority complexes, which stifle achievement, make the home a place to be got away from, and give those who live in it that “ don’t care ” attitude chat is so fatal to happiness and success.

It is only natural. If you are always telling your daughter that she is lazy and slovenly and useless in the house, you'will kill any interest she has in helping at home, and it ■will be only your own fault if you have to complain later that Mary is ./Amply hopeless at house-keeping, and doesn’t even seem to want to learn—in fact, quite resents being asked to do things, and replies sullenly: “Why don’t you do it yoprself if you are so much better than I ? ” This is quite a natural attitude, and you have only yourself to blame for it. BE FAIR. I am not suggesting for one moment that you should refrain from pointing out what is wrong; but do it tactfully, and be just as ready to remark on what is right. That is

only fair, and it makes such a difference to .results. Try it and prove lt ’Next time Mary makes the afternoon tea when you have visitors, say to them, so that she can hear: “ You must try some of the sponge cake. Mary made it. She is getting on so well with her cooking.” That isn't fulsome flattery that will turn her head; it is just a little kindly encouragement that will warm her heart wonderfully and make her quite ready to take in good part your remark, after the visitors have gone: “ There was a wee bit too much salt in the tomato sandwiches, dear, but everything else was lovely—especially your cake.” That will make her blush with pleasure, and be all the more eager to have no mistakes at all next time.

The same principle applies to tiny children, though in their case neither praise nor find fault with them in public. Give your encouragement in private, and when you must find fault give constructive criticism that is, show them a better way of doing it, or, if it must be forbidden, a better way of employing their time You will find that correction given in this way will be taken in good part, and will bring results, instead of having the effect of making the child sullen and “ don’t care ” he will preserve that priceless possession of youth—young* keen enthusiasm, that makes nothing of obstacles and goes straight for the desired goal. School teachers would do well to think tjhese facts over, too. I have known somewhat dull children hammered into almost idiots by constant fault-finding before the whole class, when a little sympathetic encouragement might have done wonders. Lack of encouragement makes a child defiant and rebellious, or spiritless and lacking in self-respect both undesirable traits in either young people or adults. Everyone should have a healthy, normal respect for himself, and a faith in his own powers. This is not conceit, for conceit is empty boasting. It is nature’s birthright to every normal human being.