IN LIGHTER VEIN

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXV, Issue 3370, 26 September 1931, Page 2

IN LIGHTER VEIN

A youth who was employed in a butcher's shop was sent one day by his manager to collect a debt which had been owing for some time. On arriving at the house the good lady came to the door, evidently in the act of making bread. "Hello!" exclaimed the youth. "You must be doing the same as me."

"What might that be?" the lady inquired. "Kneading dough," the youth replied promptly.

A police constable had not been a member of the Force for long when he was put on trap duty, being instructed to watch the road very carefully and to take the numbers of all motorists who exceeded the speed limit. On his way back to headquarters he caused no little excitement passing through the streets in a highly dishevelled condition with a dozen Or more number-plates under each arm.

Magistrate: You are charged with breaking a chair over this man's head. Prisoner: I didn't mean to break the chair, your Worship.

"I don't know anything worse than letting the wife find a letter you've forgotten to post," said the man nervously as he turned out various pockets. "Oh, I do," said the other. "And what is it?" "Letting her find one you forgot to burn."

The bill collector called for money that was due to his firm.

"I'm sorry," said Mr. Dedbeet, "but I cannot pay you. Call again to-morrow."

The collector thrust out his jaw aggressively. 'That's what you said yesterday!" he snapped. Dedbeet shrugged his shoulders. "All right, make it the day after to-morrow," he asid.

A nervous old lady was buying a portable wireless set. "Now, do you definitely assure me," she asked, looking anxiously at the instrument, "that I shan't get a shock?"

"Madam," said the assistant impressively, "I do definitely assure you that you won't get a shock — until you hear some of the programmes."

He bobbed into his neighbour's garden and displayed a tear in his trousers.

"I say, Smith," he commenced, angrily, "didn't you say your dog's bark was worse than his bite?"

''Yes," replied Smith

"Then," said the other, 'for goodness sake don't let him bark. He's just bitten me." m

"Here, boy," said the prosperous motorist at the wayside filling station. "I'm out of petrol, and please get a move en. You'll never get anywhere in the world unless you push. Push is essential. When I was young I pushed, and that got me where I

"Well," replied the boy, "I reckon you'll have to push again, 'cause we haven't got a drop of petrol in the place."

The scene was a mixed swimming bath, and a meek-looking man went up to the attendant, who was eating his lunch. "When you have quite finished, I should like to have a word with you," he said. After ten minutes or so the attendant said: "What do you want?"

"My rich uncle," replied the man, "dived in off the deep end about 20 minutes ago, and he hasn't come up yet. Would you please lend me a lifebelt to throw after him? I shouldn't like it to be thought that I hadn't bothered about him."

"I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake at the party?" said mother.

"No, I didn't," said little Betty. "I just asked Mrs. Brown for the recipe so my mother could make some more like it—and she gave me another piece without my asking for it."

Small Girl: Daddy, is it true that there are some people living in the moon?

•Fathter: Can't say for sure, pet; no one can. There may be. Why? Small Girl: Oh, I was only thinking, if there were, what a terrible crush there must be when there's only half a moon!

An employer once had occasion to discharge a servant for dishonesty, and, having made an unsuccessful attempt to vindicate his character, the latter said mournfully: "Ah, sir, you will miss me before I have gone half an hour!" 'I shan't mind that," answered the employer cheerfully, "if I don't miss anything else!"

Doctor: I am soi-ry to see. your husband is still delirious, Mrs. Jones. Has he had any lucid intervals since I was here last? Mrs. Jones: He has just had what you ordered, doctor —nothing else.