WISE AND OTHERWISE.

King Country Chronicle, Volume XII, Issue 1220, 5 June 1919, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

♦ Liberty has been personified as feminine, probably because w many meu are pursuing her. • * • • • A rope be taut to get tight; unlike a man. who can get that way without any instruction. « » » * m Little Elsie: What is the dead-lot-Ur office, mamma? Maroma: \ cur father's pocket. • ♦ • • Can she keep a secret? No, but s!io on keep a cook, aud that's something to brag about. • « • • • Mother's Voice from Next Room: Willie, come here! You must never listen to your father sharing. • » # • • Odd tiling about flattery. What? It makes everybody sick except those who swallow it. • • • • » Jeanie: Everything be touches seems to tern to gold. Jim: Yes, he touched me to-day for * sovereign. « • # • » Well, fancy expecting her to keep a secret I Why not? She's kept everything else I've trusted her with! • # • ♦ » She: I have just bought some gold fish. What would you feed them uii? He: Fish cakes, of course. • * * * Farmer: What are you doing there in my cherry tree? Tramp: 1 fell from an airship. • • • » * Teacher: What is velocity, Johnny? Johnny: Velocity is what a chau lets go of a wasp with. • • » * * Their chauffeur seems a sober, careful fellow. Well, for the wages they pay' they can't well expect anything elso. • • e • • How is your village band getting along with its rehearsals? We don't fcftTe rehearsals; wo started right io giving band concerts. • ••••_ Jehnny, did you have a good time at ike party? How could 1 have a good time? I had promised mother to behave myself. • e • • "

She: They say that an apple a day will keep the doctor away. He: "Why •top there? An onion a day will keep •▼•rybody away. • # * * »

Beggar: Please, mister, give me a penny for my three hungry children. F«d«strian (hurrying on): Don't need any more, thank you.

She: Ever go to a pound party? He: Yes, indeed. Took a pound of candy, and someone took my twenty-pound fur overcoat. # • • • 1 Mrs. Peck: A husband and wife should bo of one mind. Mr. Pwk: True, my dear, but it is not fair for the husband to do all t-ho minding. » • * * Socialist: I'm the friend of the working man! Morose Hairdresser (at bark •f crowd): Wot! with ninepenn'ortli of 'aircuts overdue! #■»»»■• Mother: What do you think you will make out of my daughter's talent? Professor (absent-mindedly). About half a guinea' a lesson, if the piano holds out. • • • • * Flossie: You have a wonderful memory, mamma. Mamma: IVhy so. my child? Because you're always remembering to remind me of things I forget.

Hewitt: How many tours a day do you sleep? Jewett: None. Hewitt: Bat how do you manage to live? -Tew-' •tt: I do my sleeping in the night.

Dyspepsia Specialist (irritably): But. madam, you must chew your food. What were your teeth given yon for? Patient (calmly): They weren't given to me—l bought them.

First Physician: Can you make anything out of the patent's trouble? Second ditto: I think if we manage right we can make five hundred apiece out of it. • # • • * Pro*> 4 Author: Havo you seen my new hook? T hope you will lose no time in reading it. You can bet on that. I lost time enough in reading your lastone.

What is the hardest thing to learn •bout fanning, inquired \the summer boarder. Gettin' up at five o'clock in the morning, replied Farmer Greenfield. • • * • « Doctor: Now. |e«t stick out ?er tongue. Mike, and urifll soon see how bad vp siir. O'Flannigan: Faith, on' he jabers. docthor, no tongue can tell how had I feci.

Young Man: So Miss Ethel is iyJ \\T eldest sistef sßho crimes after lior? Small Hrothwr JTobodv ain't come vet, b»' pa says the first fellow that come? or' have her. • • • • • What are you writing. Scribbler? Oh. only a little fiction. For a magafrine? No. for my sweetheart, to explain why I didn't turn up at our lasb appointment.

lV»>othy: This is awkward. T P : H«d with n roting ninn at t.*ic srn.-iilc. nnd ire holti pretended to be rich. N"" - . in our town. M?iid: Well, yru neM*»'t see him if you don't want U? Doifthy: n»t T mr't well /!*t out of i'. It- wi"! ?>" .-•.fleets the n"rmenfs for our piano. 210