Wise and Otherwise.

King Country Chronicle, Volume VIII, Issue 712, 14 October 1914, Page 6

Wise and Otherwise.

What does your husband like for hiJ breakfast? Anything I haven't got id the house. ' * * • Willy: What's tho difference between lunch and luncheon? Nilly: About half a crown. * * tt JF Misfortunes never comes singly, said tho servant, as sho announced Mist/ Fortunes and her two sisters. * # * * Teacher: What takes place whon vrat 3 er freezes? Tommy (innocently) { Jv change in price, I guess. / * * * * ' I'll give you plenty of time, said thfl Judge, when he sentenced the prisoned to twenty-one years' imprisonment, J ***** Bob: Jackson's a friend in nee&* David: It seems so; he's always trying to borrow. * # # • Now, Bertie, what made you oaS Dolly's half of that orange? Please; ma, you told me always to take hef part. ** * ff Whatever is the matter with" youl dog? Isn't he horrid? I sent him to! my laundress to bo washed, and eha starched him. •. • • Music Teacher: Why don't you paus® there? Don't you soo that it's marked 'rest?' Pupil: Yes, teacher, bulr I'm not tired. • • • Minister: But, Hooligan, you live with your wife without fighfc-< ing? Hooligan: No, sir I can't. Least-' ways, not v appily. ***** Bluff: I look upon you, sir, as a ras-. cal. Biff: You are privileged to 100k 1 upon me in any character you desire to assume. * * * * « 'She: And you really think you lovd me, do you? He: Lo\-e you! Why,' I believe I could love you even if you were my wife. * * * * Beggar (to old gentleman who hasl just given him a halfpenny): Thanky, sir. (Very pleasantly): Jest back from Klondykc ? # * * * Tramp: You haven't sixpence about you, sir? Pedestrian: How did you find that out? I thought nobody know I was broke. » * * He: My income is small, and perhaps it is cruel of me to take you from your father's roof. She: I don't live on tho roof. # * * Mrs. Hay: Is your daughter happily married ? Mrs. Bee: Thank goodness, yes! Her husband i 3 scared to death,.of her. *. • # Wife: John, our cook has become ongaged to the milkman. Hub: WollJ engagements are breakablo, and you know Bridget. # • • Mother (complaining): Will seems io have forgotten us at college. His lot. ters are so short. Father (tersely): S© is Will when lie writes 'em-

Jinks would havo spont liis fortuno on himself in a year if it hadn't boon' for his wife. How did she stop himP Spent it on herself. • • • "The aeroplane Is in its yet." Then it's a wonderful precocious infant," "In what way?" "It's already going tho pace that kills." * # * # # Old Maid: "Guard, I would like a compartment to myself all tho way." l "All right, miss. Just put your head out of tho window at fiacbi station!" • • * • • The Traveller: "Aro theso all the sandwiches you've got to eat?" Tho 'Refreshment Room Attendant: "I 'aren't got to eat 'em, bless yer. I've got to try and sell 'em." ; « • * Young Barrister: "Well, madflm, T hope you have not been annoyed at my asking you all these questions?" Lady (sweetly): "Oh, not at all. I liavc a boy, of six at home." "I have only two difficulties to over-i come in connection with my flying ma-" chine," said the inventor. "What aro theyP" "Getting it into the air and making it stay there." • • • Teacher: "Now, boys, here'g a littliS example in mental arithmetic. How old would a person be who was born ia 1875?" Pupil: "Please, teacher, wai a man or a woman P" • • • "What started the riot at tlio performance of 'Hamlet' last night ?"<< "Why, Hamlet held the skull and said,' 'Alas! poor Yoriclct You aro not tho only deadhead in the house.' " ' • • • Wife: "You were late Inst night."Hub: "Beg pardon, my dear. As I came in tho door tho clock Btruck eloven." Wife: "But what time did you arrive at tho head of tho stairs ?"■ • « • "Aro your neighbours gossipy P" 1 ! asked Billings. "Somo of them musft, be," answered "judging by/ tho amount of information about thoro that my wife reports to mo." • * • Magistrate (to colored prisoner) it "you aro charged, sir, with beating, your wife." Sambo: "Yes, sail, an', I'so proud of it, sail." Magistrate:. "Proud of it, why?" S'arnbo: "Kas<V sali, she weighs 201b. jmo'n mo,"