PASSING NOTES.

Huntly Press and District Gazette, Volume XVIII, 17 November 1931, Page 1

PASSING NOTES.

♦ • “There’s a chiel amang ye takin notes! I* faith he’ll prcnt it.” By “THE CHIEL.” Mr H. E. Holland who is dead against “cuts” has suffered an 80 per cent “cut” himself. He told his audience at Wellington that the bankers had told the Economic Committee of the House that the country could borrow 25 millions spread over three years. That amount has been reduced to five millions. This is a terrific “cut.” What is Harry going to do about it? A young lady is going to walk from the North Cape to the Blull' as an advertisement for New Zealand-nsade goods. I hope she is one herself. This feat opens up a great vista of |

advertising stunts. I suggest a few: Falling off a bridge to proclaim the potency of Samson’s Stagger juice; wearing your false teeth in your hatband to show what can be done with Pseudodent; going bareheaded, except for a ginger wig, to show the capacity of Carson’s Cranium CarpetTherc is always a certain amount of pleasure to be derived from the telling and hearing of tall stories. Baron Munchausen, a legendary liar, based on the model of a vainglorious i and truth stretching German count who wandered round Europe about two centuries ago, is generally ac- j eepted amongst reading people as the i champion tall story teller. I will give you one of his yarns in his own words, j by which yen can judge him. “Yes, gentlemen,” he says to a | group in his club, “I had rather a cur- ! ious experience in the winter of ’47 j during the campaign in Poland. I j was riding through the snow cross I

country with despatches when I was j benighted. Seeing an iron spike pro- J truding through the snow, I threw my j horse’s reins over it, and wrapping my military cloak around me, lay j down with my head on a pillow of j •snow, and soon fell fast asleep. When j I awoke, I was lying in a churchyard ! green with grass, and with tomb- ! stones around me. I saw at once that i there had been a thaw during the ; night. Looking upwards I saw my 1 horse hanging by the reins to the top j of the steeple. I drew one of my | pistols, and after renewing the prim- ! ing, fired one shot which was all that ! was needed; for the bullet cut the j reins, and the horse, sliding down the j steeple, landed on his four feet beside j me. I mounted and rode to the vil- ' lage inn where we both found suitable j refreshment. I am prepared, gentle- | men, to prove the truth of this story ; on the body of any gentleman who j doubts it, with either sword or pistol.” | There were no sceptics for Munchaus- j en was a noted master of both weap- j ons. It is strange how the same idea crops up in the stories of people widely separated in space and time. The Maoris have a legendary hero, a famous thief, who baffled detection by walking backwards from the scene of his thefts. The Greeks and Romans in the dawn of history used to tell how Cacus, a noted cattle thief, frustrated pursuit by dragging his booty home by their tails. The same idea in ancient Greece and New Zealand. I propound a question for debate. “Which conduces the more to happiness, simplicity or complexity of life.” I am lead to do this because I have just been reading a Latin poet’s description of the good old days in Italy when even the Senator lived in a cottage and drove his sheep out to pastture, when the temple of Jove was so small that it could hardly hold the statue of the god which held in its right hand a thunderbolt of earthenware; the statue was adorned with garlands, not glittering with gold and gems. That was the simple life. No doubt to modern minds accustomed to rush and hurry and bustle and rustle and hustle, it looks drab, tame, and stodgy. But the real question is the happiness of those living under those conditions. Argue it out; I’m not giving a verdict. According to bankers the word “sterling” has gone put of use. But the man of the same name seems to be. flourishing as the green bay tree. He doesn’t fall out of the frying pan into the fire; but out of one good job into another. I wish I had his luck. The principle of equal pay for unequal work has been discarded by the Bolshies who have introduced piecework, a system cursed with candle, bell and book by the orthodox Socialists. The Labour Councils of Britain, Australia and New Zealand should have something to say about this. The branding of political candidates still goes on, and the political musterers are having their busy season. The stock, however, are generally very quiet and go into the pen of their

own accord. They are not fighting to escape the brand but to get it. In this respect they differ from farm stock. Of course there are some scrub bulls who refuse to come into the pen and gallop about unbranded. They are called Independents. Intelligence tests are all the rage just now, but they seem to be made up on rather conventional lines. Here is one that should open up a new reef. In the same electorate, candidate A tc-lls the electors that thrift alone will save the country. Candidate B swears that big loans and increased spending is the proper solution of the equation. A produces an equation as follows.

Let X equal the actual national borrowing-, It the rate of interest and T the time; the equation works out to S equals Soup, where we are. B claims that S became the result bemuse X was not large enough. His equation is; let 5X equal the future borrowings Rq the rate per cent and E equals eternity, the time, the equation would work out to I* equals prosperity. Now, if N equals the number of electors and i their intelligence, work out the probability of either A or B getting a majority of the votes. The warlike Japanese and the bclli- ! rose Chinese are conducting real up | to date hostilities in Manchuria while | the League of Nations runs round ! clucking like a hen with a clutch of ducklings which have taken to the voter. Both nations have signed all the peace pacts going, yet they are fighting pitched battles, horse, f artillery, aeroplanes, and bombs, everything quite according to Cocker. The trouble most likely has its real roots in the inability of the Chinese government to govern. Any general with a few thousand properly paid should get the loan of Mussolini for .1 year or two. The Reds in Canada arc being trained to throw stones so as to make things lively for the police during street rows. I wonder if the Comradcsses are trained and if, as a r suit of their training, they could now hit a bobby at ten yards. They . 1 ould follow the example of the ancient Amazons, a purely female natii n in Asia, upon whose queen Alexander the Great made a passing call ■ ’i his way to conquer Asia. The Amw'ons cut off the right breast so as to be able to use the bow properly. Any Comradesses who read these n. tes now knows what to do. It is quite plain from the following ntences taken from one of his letin rs to the Scotch Presbyterians that if Oliver Cromwell were living to-day he would not, tough old Puritan as he v as, strike out the top line. Just listen to him. “Your pretended fear lest Error should slip in, is like the man who would keep all the wine out of the w untry lest men should be drunk. It v. ill be found an unjust and unwise jealousy to deprive a man of his natural liberty upon a supposition he may abuse it.” Old Noll said a mouthful. The people of New Zealand are cxc< edingly kind hearted and courteous. During the next three weeks the same audiences will vote unanimous votes f thanks and confidence to politicians propounding absolutely repugnant policies. They want to give them all a fair spin. The following letter needs no comment. Dear Chiel, A Parish Magazine of English origin publishes the following concessions of our smallest silver coin:— “I am a three-penny bit; I am not on speaking terms with the butcher; l am too small to buy a pint of beer; [ am not large enough to purchase a box of chocolates; a permanent wave won't look at me; they won’t let me in at the pictures; I am hardly fit for a tip. But believe me, when I go to church on Sunday, I am consulted some money.” The last sentence reminds me of a armature I came across recently in i Christchurch publication. It depicted Archbishop Julius standing on ii enlarged three-penny bit. Underneath was the appropriate inscription, “The church’s one foundation.” —Yours etc., PENNY PLAIN.