COURT SCENES

Hokitika Guardian, 29 September 1928, Page 8

COURT SCENES

Basil, a middle-aged chemist’s assistant, had only himself to blame for two black eyes and an unpleasant experience at the police court. Meeting an old friend, the two celebrated the reunion iii the ustial manner, with uho result that Basil took the wrong omnibus and got lost in Chelsea; still under the influence of the reunion he was attracted by a charming girl, who suddenly disappeared into a garden. He pursued the Goddess of the Garden, but she had vanished into the night; and he sat down in the garden to collect his thoughts. He sat down ;o heavily that the wife of the occupier of the basement bedroom of the adjoining house was awakened, and she, after the manner of wives, awakened' her husband, and fearfully whispered, “Burglars.” It was midnight! * * *

The husband being a brave man hastily donned his, trousers, flung open he front door, and fouind Basil, still intent.on the pursuit of the vanishing body, climbing over a wall. The husband helped Basil to get over the wall and that was how Basil got his black eyes. Actually he is a man of excelent character, and he was discharged, *** • * Two plain-clothes constables were put ,through an observation test by Baden Davis, a , beggar, who is also a seller >f books. ! The second officer was a Scotsman ncl he, displaying the. caution of his vnee, read out ,his evidence from a note I “Put. note-book away and attend o me ” said Baden “Describe he , from whom you say I beged ?”\ , ■htn “He was a middle-aged man,” redied the Scottish officer, “Ho on, encouraged Baden. “He wore a grey suit and cap.” “Where is Carlisle-place,” encountered Baden sharpily. “The first turning on the right comng from Vkto>-in-street,” replied the Scottsh constable. ;. “Correct,” conceded Baden, who nroceeded to give a detailed account • f his movements from early morn to lewy eve. But he declined to have his fingerprints taken., and he was convicted and remanded for .inquiries. ... v. i* /' j Judge' iSnagge to husband at Bow. "entity. Court: Have you any influence ovei; your wife’s tongue ?. Husband : Oh ves. I’m the guv’nor there. Counsel: You are a lucky husband: , ■ i ,'/ * ■ V * ■(,' r * • •■ .* : . “I asked the constable not to speak to, me because'' of ; liis : •serious alleviations (allegation').”—A defendant at vingston-on-Th araes. , * * * . * . Man charged with being drunk at Derby: I got slightly elevated. I had been selling lavender,' and it got me lrunk. * * * * Nottingham Defendant: I admit that I swore, but it was under great excavation. ; 1 •' \ rVo *’ . • « ■ * “When I saw "him lie was standing at the corner'-of the street with two lack eves and eating fish and chips.” —A witness in an assault case at King-. Ston-on-Thames. .**. * * * .. '“I cannot imagine anything more destructive to beauty than' staying up 'ate at, night,” said the Skegness, Lincolnshire magistrate' in granting a 1 aim., drinking licence for a beauty show and dance. * * * * * Willesden Wjoinan: It was just a friendly quarrel, and the policeman interfered, so, of course, my husband hit him. * * * * * * Constable at Highgate: After I arrested this motorist for being drunk he rang up ,his doctor, and said, “I am here on a charge of being drunk.

Will you come and vertify that ” : | * - ■ * * * * Willesden Magistrate: Where do you live? i -a Prisoner: Mostly nowhere. Counsel at Bow County Court: If my client had ridden his motor-cycle in l the way suggested I should say he is the president or the strongest member of the Suicide Club. *:* * * * Woman at Bow County Court: She reared up and bellowed at me. Judge Snagge: Reared up? Woman: Yes—went off the deep end.

Walthamstow Lodger: I was assaulted by the landlord. The Landlady: He just smacked her face, and that was all. and a policeman said it was a trivial affair. ***** “What does he mean by ‘one over the eight?—A Luton magistrate. * ** * # * Man at Acton, W., complaining of wife’s “sprees”: Last week she came ’’ome and said she had lost her false teeth.. ****** Witness at Highgate : The constable took all the ‘particulars of the horse, its name and address. * * * * * * East Ham Landlady: She is always very rude to me. The Lodger (scornfully): She hasn’t enough intelligence to know what rudeness is. ***** “Although it was a hot day I pulled up not to have a drink but to cool the engine.”—A motorist at Kingston-on-Thames. ****** Witness at Brampton, Cumberland: I don’t drink unless I get it for nothing and I don’t get nearly enough of it. * * * * « Nottingham Defendant: While I was trying to struck him lie stroked me \vith a stack. y ***** Man at Middlesex Sessions: I am fed

up with work and am not going to look for any more. He will find work for nearly two years in a prison. * * * tr * Solicitor at Hull: I understand that no bookmakers ever make money. The Stipendiary, Mr J. R. Macdonald : Have you not seen those cartoons by Tom Webster, in which bookmakers always appear smoking three cigars ? * * * * ■* “1 am willing to abide by’ the decision of the Bench, but I am not guilty of the alleged offence,” wrote a motorist at Kingston-on-Thames who was fined for having no licence./ * ■, * * * *■ Man at North London : We had had some drinks and tea, and when the “ houses ” opened we had some more drink. The Magistrate: And what happened then ? The Man: We had some more drinks. * * * * * A woman handed the Willesden magistrate a box she had received from hei; husband, who had been sent to prison for neglecting to maintain her. It contained ai stale prison loaf with the label, “A present from Brixton-on-Sea.” The Magistrate : Very annoying, but no offence.